Cassie's Plans

  It's the middle of summer, my favorite time of year. It's been almost four weeks since I took out the Shadow God and got him to repeal the law. At least, I like to think it was me who got it repealed. There haven't been any announcements from the Nightmares so it's hard to tell.

    I decided to pay a visit to the heartland. I don't like to go when it's fall, because the Nightmares' celebrations make it really chaotic even if the power is lower than it is the rest of the year. Summer is when it gets quiet, but soon the celebration of Horror fest will start. I wanted to see Alex at least once before that happens. She finds me every time I come to the heartland to make sure I won't steal any power. I haven't told her yet that I couldn't steal any power even if I wanted to. It's nice to have someone who wants to talk to you.

   "Hey, Alex?" I say.

   "Yeah?" Alex replies.

   "What kind of jobs are there for humans?" I ask her.

   "What are you asking me for? I don't know any humans other than you." She replies.

   "My parents got me my first job last year and I lost it three months later. Now I'm just on the streets. I don't want to work, but I need another job." I say.

   "What do humans need work for anyway? It's not like the homes they live in cost much." She says.

   "Well, I don't have a job, so I can't make money to live in a home, even if it's just a room with no furniture." I say.

   "Don't you have your parents?" She asks.

   "I don't live with them anymore. I had to move to the city to work, and I don't want to admit that I couldn't keep the job that they found for me. I wouldn't care that much, but I don't want to have to sleep on the streets anymore." I say.

   "You sleep on the streets?" She says.

   "All the time." I say.

   "Why? Are you trying to become a Nightmare?" She asks.

   "What does sleeping on the streets have to do with becoming a Nightmare?" I say.

   "Humans don't sleep. We make sure they're too scared to. If you sleep a lot, that means you're trying to convince Nightmares you can take them in a fight, so they'll recommend you for enhancement." She says.

   "I just sleep because I feel tired. Yeah, I do meet a lot of Nightmares, but I've been lucky enough to not meet any of the strong ones. Which I'm grateful for because I get really sleepy at nighttime and I can't go for more than a few days without sleeping. I've tried." I say.

   "Do you get hungry?" She asks.

   "No. Good thing, because you can't buy food in the Human City." I reply.

   "Maybe you should see a doctor." She says.

   "My mother took me to several wise people when I was younger to find a way to stop the sleeping. Nothing they tried worked." I say.

   "She never took you to a doctor though, did she." Alex says.

   "What's the difference?" I ask. 

   "The difference is that if it's an actual case of weakness you'll be able to learn how to manage it. Among other things."

   "I don't even know where I could find a doctor, and even if I could I'd never be able to afford it." I tell her.

   "I know they have an Enhancer. Go there and tell them you want to become a Nightmare. They'll do the rest." She says.

   "I guess I could do that." I say.

    I don't want to tell her I'm never going to do that. Even if I did have the potential to become a Nightmare, I wouldn't have become one anyway. I hate the way power feels, I don't want to scare people, and I can't talk to anyone well enough to make friends. I thought the problem was just that I sleep, which no other human I've met, or read about, does. The longer I'm away from my parents, the more it becomes clear that that isn't the problem. 

    People look at me. If I say hi, they say hi back. But unless I'm talking to them they won't talk to me at all. I've been in multiple crowds of people who aren't supposed to know one another, and within minutes everyone will be talking to everybody else but nobody will be talking to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

    I have gotten better at finding work. Nothing that lasts for more than a day, and nothing that will pay me enough to have a home. I'm so worried about stealing my money that I don't want to try and save enough to pay rent. I can't protect it when I'm asleep. 

   Sometimes I dream, when I'm awake, about becoming a servant to one of the High Nightmare families. I don't know what makes them special, except for the fact that they're the families the Avatars of the Gods come from, I just know that they offer jobs to humans sometimes. I'm told that if you can land one of those jobs, you're set for life. Since they're based on Nightmare time instead of human time you always have the night of, since they sleep at night to keep their Dreamworlds together. I was kind of hoping Alex would know something about it, since I've heard that you can only get a job for a High Nightmare if you can demonstrate you have the ability to use a lot of power. Does that mean they'll only let you work for them if you want to become a Nightmare yourself?

    I'm still not sure what sleeping has to do with becoming a Nightmare. I read somewhere that power is generated by everyone when they feel a strong emotion, and that Nightmares use it to make Dreamworlds. I also know that Nightmares all have weaknesses, and the stronger you are the worse your weakness is. I'm not a Nightmare though, and I have no potential to become one. Yet Lady Greaves said the exact same thing Alex said when I told her I sleep every night, "Are you trying to become a Nightmare?"

   I'm not. I'm just trying to become a human.