Luck

     I don't think there are many people who want my life, though I suspect a lot of people who aren't in any danger of needing to live it would say they want it, but I've always felt that I'm really lucky.

    I was born Autistic, but that gave me the ability to see a world nobody else could see and a love of learning weird, seemingly useless things. No, I don't have any friends, but I have all the time in the world to dream about wonderful worlds. No, I don't have a job, nor do I see myself being able to get one anytime soon, but I have a mother who lets me live with her and a blog I can write on a lot and I can spend all my time chasing my passions. 

     Honestly, though I sometimes wish it didn't take so much luck for me to have what I do.

      Am I wrong in thinking that where I am, jobless twenty-something loser with no friend living with her parent, should be the lowest a person could get? It is the lowest person we're willing to acknowledge after all. But it takes no effort, at all, to point out that we live in a world where it's possible to get much, much worse off then I am. People who are homeless, addicted to drugs, stuck in group homes, stuck in abusive relationships of any sort. These people wind up being invisible, because problems like theirs are hard to fix, and we don't want to do anything to fix them. 

   I don't think that society is being unfair to me personally, even if I do still hope to win the lottery someday. I hate that it's being so unfair to so many other people, and when you mention this no one seems to care. 

   I used to ride the bus when I was in college, and one day I saw a homeless woman getting on the bus. When she got on, I saw her looking at a seat with I look I know only too well, the look of someone who wants to sit down but doesn't want to upset the person she sits next to. That's when it hit me that I was only two steps away from homelessness myself. Do the people who look down on homelessness think they're safe, because they don't need to worry about what people will think before they sit down? Or do they just not want to think at all because then they'll remember just how fragile society really is?

    I don't count myself as a social justice warrior, because I don't go around fighting for justice so much as I go around complaining the system's unjust so the people in charge might decide to fix it. I am, I'll admit, complacent, and I'm just as bad as most people are at admitting that I'm not immune from fates cruelty. I also can't shut the voice that says I shouldn't have to care up. I don't want to have to worry about other people, especially since I get the impression that I can't fit in with them anyway. Maybe I didn't care about them before, so that's why I can't fit it. Apathy isn't limited to psychopaths', after all.

     I just know that I don't want to live in the world, but I want the world I don't live in to be a place that I would love to live in.