I'm tired of wishing that I could be happy. I've gone so long without feeling welcomed that I can't even imagine what it would take to feel that way anymore. Because I'm "smart" I'm supposed to want to be "normal", I've accepted this. What I can't accept is feeling like I don't belong even in communities of people who, by definition, don't fit in. I knew I'd never be part of society, but I always thought I'd be part of something. 

    Now I can't escape the feeling that I can't be a part of anything, and even if I could be it wouldn't matter at all.