Ableism

   I'm an Autistic Woman.

  This is the thing that has shaped my life, both internally and externally, the most. I've been labeled, judged, excluded and pitied because of it, but like most autistic people, I wouldn't change who I am for the world. 

   I bring this up, knowing I'll be judged, because I want to discuss something most of us, even those with disabilities, don't think about. Ableism. Ableism shapes the world every disabled person lives in, a world of people who think society is perfect and will never admit that it isn't. 

   I don't speak for every disabled person. I can't. Do even a little bit of research and you'll learn that there are a lot of disabled people, all of whom have very different needs and wants. My opinions aren't even representative of everyone with Autism, people who have to live and be shaped by an Ableist world just like I do, but through some combination of bad luck and personal values hate themselves for the same reason I love myself. People who suffer from Ableism, and in suffering push fear and hate onto others. 

   I don't have any simple solutions. There aren't any. Fixing Ableism requires fixing society itself, and society is deeply averse to being fixed, especially by those who aren't allowed to live in it. 

   I speak because I live in a world where my mother told me, "For you, everything comes back to Ableism", in a sneering tone, because she believes she's safe from a world that doesn't want me. 

    Why shouldn't it come back to Ableism? All my life I've needed more then I was supposed to have in order to survive, and now I live in a world where even the able-bodied and neurotypical can't succeed. Why shouldn't I blame those who think having stairs to a door is reasonable, or that it's okay to deny someone accommodations that they're entitled to? Why shouldn't I be angry at world that demands everyone work in an office, regardless of what's best for them? Why should I want to live in a world where I enter ever social situation terrified of how people will react when they see the real me, if I even get that far? 

   I care about Ableism because my life is shaped by Ableism, and way too many people have to deal with it as well. Disability rights are human rights, none of us can escape being old and bedridden. Society feels safe because most of us don't have the energy to fight, or the strength to ask for more. My mother constantly asks me why, if I'm so unhappy, don't I arrange for a protest, knowing that's not something I'll ever do. We are limited, and society only ever seeks to limit us further. 

    So I won't let it. I can't protest society into being accepting, but I'll do what I can to not let those close to me get away with bullying me. I'll hold onto hope that someday society will grow into a place where all of us has a chance at success, where food and housing are guaranteed and every child has access to special help in their classrooms. Someday, we'll live in a world where no one feels alone and unwanted, because everyone has a place that suits them. Someday, we won't live in a world where we have to be what the world wants us to be, because we'll know how to shape the world to suit us.