My dreams

     I’m a lazy person. What I mean by that is that I like doing things, but I hate doing things for other people. It’s why most of my day is spent playing video games. 

      So, one of the nice things about blogging is that it’s just a me thing. I can post whatever I want to post. Mind you, if I decide I want to try grabbing an audience that changes slightly, but I don’t have to care one way or the other. It’s really refreshing. 

   The best and worst part about this, as you can probably tell, is seeing my view count go up. I don’t know for sure how many views are other people versus me just reading my own posts, but my stats tell me that some people are reading my posts. Mind you, the number is only in the double digits, across every post I’ve ever written, so maybe it’s stupid to be as excited/scared as I genuinely am. But the truth is, I’m not that far off from some of my favorite Youtube creators. I can’t tell you how cool I think it would be to have a small fanbase. The kind of fanbase where everyone loves you for you and doesn’t ask a lot from you as a creator. I don’t think I’m that far away from my dream, and that’s genuinely exciting.

    I wonder, how many people out there write hoping to find that small group of people who love their own brand of bad writing. They don’t want success; they just want people who like them. Put it like that, I expect many creators want that at the end of the day. 

     What scares me is that, however unlikely it is, there’s always the possibility that I could wind up being mega successful. I’m human, and it’s more or less human nature to envy the celebrities of the world, but everyone who knows about the world celebrities live in knows that it doesn’t come with an off switch. You don’t get to choose fame. You can increase the chances of fame, but fame is always thrust upon you. There’s a reason why many stories show people unhappy with fame. I don’t want that. I know I probably won’t get that. But my brain keeps telling me that it’s going to happen and that I won’t be able to deal with it. 

    It’s silly. But my brain isn’t very smart most of the time. For now, I’m happy that, in a way, I’ve achieved my dream. It’s nice to have people reading your work, even if you know that it’s not that good. I’m a little worried it sounds like I want attention, because frankly this is more attention than I ever thought I would get. I guess it’s a good thing I never wanted to be a celebrity. I’d probably go a bit nuts.