It feels weird to be blogging right now. In theory, writing these posts is easy, all you have to do is write down whatever you think into a word document and then copy and paste it onto whatever blogging platform you use. In practice, I’ve been dealing with this weird anxiety. Humans tend to put other humans, and themselves into boxes. I’ve never had a box I felt comfortable being in, but I was always an outsider, of a sort. I’ve never been good at making friends or being totally at ease among people. So posting my thoughts on line feels a bit dangerous, I won’t lie. I think a lot of me is waiting for the moment someone posts a comment saying that I talk a lot but don’t have anything to say.
Still, the more I think about this, the more I want to keep doing this. It’s incredibly stressful, but not the kind of stress where most of your mental energy is going towards trying to keep yourself from thinking about how bad of an idea this is.
I do want to be a writer at some point. I’m not sure if I want to be the kind of writer who writes deep stories for people to get lost in, or shallow stories that anyone can enjoy, but I do know that I have this world I’ve lived in ever since I was young, and I want to share it. It’s not a happy world, but it is a world where if you believe in yourself, you will eventually succeed.
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