The Eldest Daughter

     Gods are more than their Estellian avatars. They have to be, otherwise they couldn't be as wise and strong as they need to be. The Gods are… well, I don't know exactly what the Gods are. Only temple clerics know what the Gods really are, no one else is allowed to know anything. 

   My family is in charge of managing Monsterland's temple, but no one is part of the clergy. Honestly, I think that's a good thing. As a monster I'm meant to bring chaos into human lives, but most of the time I find it too confusing to do properly. Mostly, I just make them feel a little scared or nervous, and then let them create chaos themselves. It's easy and I don't have to think too hard. 

  Most of our job consists of bringing offerings to the temple and taking care of the spirit monsters who live there. Since all power generated in Monsterland is drawn to the temple, there are a lot of spirit animals who live there. Unfortunately, since they don't have a soul they die if they get too far from a source of power, like a High Nightmare. So we have a rule, if you're able to make it to the temple and pray at the altar, you get a spirit animal. It's one less thing for us to worry about, and it's good practice for High Nightmares in training, so it's win-win. 

   Our family's important in another way, we're Monsterlands God bloodline. That means that the next avatar of the God of Monsters will be from my family. 

    I haven't told my family this, but I'm worried I might be the next one. Cassie seems certain that I'm a God, but I don't know why she thinks that, and no human should have the ability to tell a God from a normal Nightmare. Only Midnight Nightmares do. 

   I'm happy just being the Eldest daughter of Aubrey and Marcus Loreden, Head Nightmares of the Heartland and caretakers of all humans in Monsterland. Technically, only my mother is a Head Nightmare, but my father does errands for her often enough that in the eyes of most of us he might as well be one to. Caretaking is just making sure Humans don't take too much power for themselves. 

    Speaking of power, that's something that concerns me. Like all members of my family, I'm required to wear a charm that channels eighty percent of the power I'm granted to the temple. Despite this, at thirteen I'm almost stronger then mom, on paper at least. I'm not nearly as good at casting spells as she is. More and more people are saying that I'm stealing power from the temple, but I'm not. If anything, I try and channel as much power as I can towards the temple so that I don't awaken my demon by accident. It's getting harder and harder not to. The thing is, since I don't have any special gifts like my brother and sister, the towns people are convinced I must be stealing power from somewhere.

  Another problem is Cassie's visits. She didn't used to come all that often, but recently she's started coming almost every night. I wish I could tell her to bug off, that's what my mom tells me I should do, but I like having someone who doesn't know what I actually am to talk to. Well, she's seen my demon, because it attacked her once when I was angry, but she doesn’t know that's not the full story. I'm scared that if she finds out, she'll demand I give her all the power she wants. I know she says she doesn't want any, but my parents taught me to never ever, trust a human who says that. They're probably lying, and if they aren't you run away and tell us immediately. 

An Opinion

    I have no idea if I'm the only person who feels this way, but I wish there was a religion that didn't sell itself on being the ultimate truth. Maybe it's the person whose first attempt at a major in college was chemical engineering speaking, but I don't think there really is an ultimate truth, just a question we'll never have the answer to. That question being, "How do we find meaning in a world that's inherently meaningless?"

     I don't think there's a definitive answer to this question, nor do I get the sense that there was supposed to be a definitive answer. So I want to find other people who think, as I do, that our goal shouldn't be to find The Answer. Instead, we should be looking for An Answer, one that works for the most people possible. 

     I've spent my entire life trying to learn as much as I could about the world, trying to learn what makes our world real and the Dreamworld I live in fake. At this point, I honestly think there isn't a difference. We just all see a sky that happens to be blue, leaves that are green, and stars in the night sky. I can't prove this one way or the other, and I don't even know if it's true, but I think that the only reason our world is real is because everything in the Universe, from atoms to black holes, is working to make it real. And if that's true, why not try to make a world that's real only because we believe it's real? Do we not live in a world with paper money? 

    I have no idea if the Infinite is real, I just know that I believe it is based on what I've read and seen. I think that's what most people do, believe in something they can't prove but they believe in anyways because they've seen it for themselves. Maybe I'm crazy, but when I see a world that's this broken I can't help but think that it's time for us to look for who we are inside, not the person we're supposed to be. That's the only way to build a world that works for people. 

The Other Infinite?

 I have no idea where I am.

   The Nightmares could be after me, or they could be ignoring me and hoping someone finds me on their own. I wouldn't know. I've been lost for who knows how long. It's getting colder, but other than that I don't know what time of year it is. I almost wish I lived in one of the Nightmare realms. Unlike us, they get seasons. It's a way to keep track of the time, and to keep humans from clogging up the streets. Or so I've heard. 

   I spend all day walking. I don't know what else to do. I haven't seen any towns. I don't know where to find anyone. I could spend the rest of my life walking in uninhabited wilderness. The more I walk, the less real things seem to get. I keep having moments where the world seems to blur if I'm not looking directly at it. Also I swear that the more I walk the less light there seems to be. I haven't even seen the sun for about a week now. 

   I don't feel tired, though it feels like I've been walking for hours. For the first time in my life I wish that I could become hungry. At least then I'd have a better idea of how much time has passed. I've been walking in this forest for a long time. I say forest because it seems to have a lot of trees, though trees aren't supposed to grow in the human realm. Like a lot of things, they're a luxury that only the Nightmares and their followers have access to. But there must be trees, because the further I get the harder it is to see, and I don't see any stars when I look up. If I even am looking up. I don't know, directions stopped making sense a while ago. If it wasn't for the fact that my necklace isn't glowing I'd swear I was in the Infinite, that's how empty this place feels. 

    "What are you doing here, human?!"

     I react before I can think. I throw my hand out to generate a shield instinctively. The Nightmare bounces away from it. That's when I notice my necklace. It's not glowing, but I swear I feel something odd about it. It's like the power I feel from Alex, strong and certain and like it could destroy you. I'm so distracted I almost miss the Nightmare charging at me. I throw my hand up, and this time he seems to go flying. 

    I look around, scared. I'm a human. The only power I have as a human is when I'm lucid, and I can only go lucid in the Infinite or in the Dreamworld. I concentrate on reality, on what Estellia would look like if I was awake, then I look down at my necklace.

  It's glowing. 

  That can only mean one thing, this is the Infinite. How though? I swear I was awake. I'm certain I'm awake right now. Maybe this is another Infinite, some other place the Nightmares keep from us because we can't be trusted. 

   There's only one way to find out. If this is the Infinite I know, my temple will be in here somewhere. I focus on the strongest image I have of it in my head, the realm of souls, and I start to fly using my necklace. 

   I saw a picture of people flying using special boards in Fairyland once when I was small. It was in one of the books we had at school. I decided I wanted one, so whenever I fly in the Infinite I enlarge my necklace and leap on it to fly around. It's a lot of fun and I wish that I could do it in the real world. As I start flying, I notice the stars emerging. They aren't Estellian stars, these stars don't twinkle and the light coming from them feels almost physical. That's because these stars are actually Dreamworlds, the bigger they are the more powerful the Nightmare that controls them. 

   I don't navigate the Infinite by anything other than instinct. If there's a better way of navigating I don't know it. But I think I know how long it should take me to get to the temple, so I keep flying in the direction I know it's in. I'm not expecting to see it, so I almost fly past it. 

   From afar it's nothing impressive. It's not the smallest of the Infinite's Dreamworlds, but it's small enough that no High Nightmare would notice it. I stand on the ground around two pillars, one leaning against the other. You can only get in if I let you. 

   How did I not know that you could enter the Infinite while awake? Why isn't it mentioned in any books? I know the Nightmare countries aren't like human country, but is that because they're actually part of the Infinite and we don't know that because most of us don't sleep? If they are, does that mean I can connect my temple to Estellia, and I could visit it even if I'm awake. 

   I have to try.

   I picture Estellia in my mind. I picture the Human country, little more than Grassy fields dotted with small towns. The Shadow and Sorcerer countries, filled with large cities and enormous structures, the places that aren't cities filled with large forests. The Fairyland, an island in a large ocean. The Monster country, mostly forests, dotted with temples, and a city filled with sin. At the center of all of them, at the center of everything in fact, is the Dream Tower, where at the top is said to be the arena where the strongest Nightmares test their skill. 

   I open my eyes.

   I'm still in the infinite. I don't know how to get back home, or if I even can. 

   I go inside the temple. One nice thing about it is that I can move the doorways from one room to another, so if I want to get to the library from my apartment I don't have to walk through the realm of souls. I find myself wishing I could connect the library here to the library I was using when I lived in the Human city. Then I open the door to the library and realize somethings wrong. My library is massive, and this one is small. Wait, are those posters on the wall?

    I walk through the door, and I realize I somehow connected the temple to one of the Human city's libraries. How? I don't know, and right now I don't care. I close the door, open it, and see the city streets outside. I think about the realm of souls and grab the door again. Sure enough, I open the door to the temple. 

    This changes everything. From now on, I'll never have to worry about being homeless. I'll always have a place to sleep. If the Nightmares attack me, I can run away. I'll never be in danger again. From now on, I'm safe.

   I reenter the Temple. I think it's time I take a nap, then I want to get some new clothes. If I can make money here the way I can in Fairyland's Dreamworld, I want a house to. I don't need it, but I want to be able to come and go to the temple when I please from now on. 

Thoughts about the world

   Watching the world I know disappear has left me thinking about, well, a lot of things. Who we hate, why we hate them, and what we can do to stop hating each other. Among a lot of other things because collapse isn't nearly as simple as people told us it was. 

   Mostly I'm trying to come up with a world I'd like to live in, which is much harder then you'd think it'd be. I always use the world I'm living in as a baseline, and the world I'm living in is built on the things that make me hate it so much. But I don't know what a world based on the things I want the world to be would look like in the end. Is there a grocery store within walking distance? Is there a thrift store that has a lot of notebooks in stock? Are these things only present in my world because of something I, at least on paper, don't want the world to be? If I realized that, would I choose the world with more notebooks or the world where I have more power? 

     I know a lot of stories get written off as unrealistic, but one thing I've come to realize is that even fantasy and science fiction use the "real" world as a baseline. What is realism if not based on what we think is real, after all? Did George Lucas think the force was a real thing? No, but he grew up in a world where magic was common and accepted. Did the creators of Star Trek think that the future would look exactly like it does in the show? No, but in the world they were making the show it seemed like a definite possibility. Every magic system is written by an author who accepts the laws of physics as permanent and unchanging. Every science fiction story is written by an author who accepts their world as the norm. If an author is trying to defy norms, they still have to write knowing what the norms are. 

    I don't know if this a good or bad thing, but I do think it's important for us to remember. Growing up Autistic means that you're more aware then most of just how limited you are. I learned very young that the things I wanted weren't the things that everyone else wanted, or at least what they were supposed to want. I feel like we keep building worlds off the idea that none of us is limited. We all know that we have limitations that keep us from being who we want to be, but we don't realize that's true of everyone else as well. Rather, we think on some level that everyone is limited in the same ways we are. We live our lives assuming that everyone has the same internal logic guiding their decisions, and that's more or less true for the majority. At least, that's what they tell me. If I'm honest, most of me thinks they're just saying that so they don't have to confront the fact that what they think is something only they will ever really know or understand. 

    What would happen if, instead of building a society that expects all to be either the worst sinners or the best saints, we just built a society that let us be ourselves? Couldn't we have a society were being a beggar or being a President were both valid life paths? We've built a world off the idea that everyone except for a select few are lazy and entitled, when what I see is a lot of people who want to do right by the world. They want to work, to make friends, to be worthy of being part of society. Or they just want to do their own thing and be left alone. I don't see a lot of people I would consider to be evil, I just see a world that won't let us do what we think is right. Why should anyone be happy, all things considered? 

We Can Never Go Back

 I miss the world we can't pretend to have.
I miss the days when all we had to do
Was play at being friends and neighbors.
But I don't miss pretending I was happy.

I miss feeling like I might have a place
In a world that kept reminding me
That I was unwanted. 
I miss wishing for something
That was still possible.
But I don't miss trying to be something I'm not.

I miss knowing what my goals were supposed to be.
I miss pretending that one day,
Assuming I did everything right,
I could be rich, famous, loved by everyone in the world.
But I don't miss the endless anxiety and exhaustion.

I look back at the past with a longing I can't explain. 
I loved it, but it did not love me back.
I wish, so badly, that we had a world that could be anything
We wanted it to be.
Just like in the good old days.
But when I think about how lonely, sad, and angry I really was,
I remember that no matter how much I pretend 
That I want it,
We can never go back. 

A moment more

   Our World only exists so long as we believe in it. 

   I have to keep reminding myself of this, otherwise I might just lose my will to live. 

   I have to remember that everyone, living and nonliving alike, has to hold onto reality, has to remember that our world has to be bound by physics. I have to remember that our world is more then mathematics, more then rules, more then the stories we tell ourselves.

    Our world is made by us, shaped by us, created and destroyed by all who are made to live in it. If it can't be shaped, it will die by our hand. Our World will only stay real so long as we can believe that it's there, even when we don't see it. 

    I must believe, I must hold onto the world and believe that no matter how badly we screw up it'll be there, just not in the form we thought it would be. I must remember that to live is to have power, and power means responsibility for our worlds fate. 

   I must remember that the only way people can live in this world is by building their own narratives, worlds in which they reign supreme and everyone else is merely a background character. If our world is to survive, we must be able to chose the life we want to lead. 

    Though I look down and see nothing, I must remember the truth, that the world depends on me giving it meaning. Only by shaping it can I hope to keep it alive, even if it's only for one day more. 

    I must be brave. I must face the truth. I must keep going no matter how much people scream that in the end nothing I do will matter. All around me are those who've fought this battle, are fighting this battle, and will fight this battle some day. I owe them nothing, and they will never know my name, but we fight side by side nonetheless. So let my soul stretch beyond the moment of the here and now, so that I may see what the future holds and face it as myself. Let my voice be strong, let my heart be brave, let my thoughts ring out across the infinite for all to hear. Above all else, let my words shape the world in such a way that it lasts for a moment more, for that is all the victory I can hope for. 

    I'm tired of wishing that I could be happy. I've gone so long without feeling welcomed that I can't even imagine what it would take to feel that way anymore. Because I'm "smart" I'm supposed to want to be "normal", I've accepted this. What I can't accept is feeling like I don't belong even in communities of people who, by definition, don't fit in. I knew I'd never be part of society, but I always thought I'd be part of something. 

    Now I can't escape the feeling that I can't be a part of anything, and even if I could be it wouldn't matter at all. 

The Unwanted One

 "Do you know why you're here?" The town guard asks.

"No, I don't. That's why I keep asking you." I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"Well do you see this wanted poster? This is for a human said to have attacked the Shadow God last summer. We can't have humans attacking the gods, now can we." The guard says, sneering.

"You really think that I would attack the gods?" I say.

"Of course not. I don't think any human would even get close to them. But we have to bring someone in, or else the bosses will get upset at us." The Guard Replies.

"But I didn't do it!" I yell.

"We'll see what they say when you come into headquarters." The guard says, before making a motion to dismiss me.

  Why did I decide I should sleep on a bench? None of the alleyways had been clear of guards for two days, so I was desperate, but hallucinations are better than being brought for a crime you're not even guilty of, even if you did it. Maybe I didn't sleep on a bench. Maybe I'm hallucinating. No, hallucinations are weirder then this.

   I'm in the back of a police van. No one knows what they're from or how they work, people just say that we've always had them. In the part of my mind that isn't panicking, I'm wondering why the Nightmares, who can move through the Infinite easily, always have cars while humans, who are pretty much stuck where they are unless they walk, don't. It's why it's so hard to get a job in the city if you don't already have one. You need a bus to get anywhere. 

  I know it's not relevant to the situation right now. I need to get out, but thinking on my feet in a crisis isn't my strong suit. Supposedly there are humans who can talk the guards into doing anything they want them to do, but I can barely talk someone into listening to me for five seconds. Despite what that poster might have said, I'm deeply unwanted. The only solution I can think of is to pray the van roles over and I make it out alive while the officers die. And that nobody notices at all. Considering the noises the van is making, I might get lucky. 

 "Do you know what the Shadows are going to do to you?" The guard asks.

 "No." I say, hoping he won't inform me. 

 "They're going to trap you in sleep and never allow you to wake up. In sleep, you'll see everything you don't want to happen happening constantly.  I'm told it can get quite painful." He shakes his head, "That's what you get for upsetting our gods."

  I want to tell him they aren't "our" gods, all they care about is other Nightmares. I doubt that he cares though. 

  Asleep all the time? No way to wake up? Everything I don't want to happen is happening constantly? It'll be like the Dreamling dream I have all the time, only there won't be a way to wake up. Except… I can go lucid. All humans can go lucid. Couldn't a human just go lucid and end the dream? That's what I always end up doing. 

 I picture the scenario in my mind. I get put to sleep in a bed, like the ones I saw in picture books when I was little (my parents always told me that if I had to sleep, I could use the floor). I beg the guards not to force me to sleep, I don't want my power being used to fuel Nightmares. It's too late though, they put a spell on me so I have to sleep. The dreams are endless, but then I feel my necklace around my neck. They didn't take it away because they didn't think it could possibly be important. They know what an artefact looks like, and they know it doesn't look like a cheap carnival prize. 

   I grab onto it. I remember reality, a place where everything looks like a Dreamworld, but you can't change anything. My necklace will always be a necklace without any powers, but it still brings me luck, because I know it's special. I know that as long as I believe in its power, I will be the luckiest human alive. 

   I see it come to life to destroy Nightmares, as it's done so many times in the Infinite. I picture the guards crying, begging for me not to hurt them. But I don't care. I am Cassandra Lumis, Dreamer of dreams, wielder of Estellia's power, and I will destroy anyone who gets in my way.

  Suddenly, I feel the floor lurch. "Whoa nelly," The guard says, laughing. Then it lurches again, and keeps lurching. More and more, the movement making my head spin. I suddenly realize what's going to happen and scream. 

   I keep screaming as we roll what feels like downhill. We keep rolling. I wonder why we aren't hitting any buildings, but then I realize we must have left the city a while ago. 

     Eventually we stop. I'm shaken, but amazingly enough I'm unhurt, and the doors to the van pop open easily. I run as far away as I can, not checking to see if the guards are alive. I don't want to get captured again, and I doubt that living in the wild will be any harder than living in the city was. 

   I run for a long time, long enough for the sky to start to darken and fill with stars. I'm exhausted, and I want to sleep so badly, but I don't dare stop running. I can't risk being too near the van when it's discovered. 

   It isn't until the sun comes up again, and I realize I don't have any idea where I am, that it hits me.

   I made the van role over. 

   I know Nightmares can control the illusions they force each other into. It's why humans don’t sleep at all and Nightmares only sleep if they have to. I know Hight Nightmares can control Dreamworlds. It's why you don't approach them at all until you've learned exactly what to say and exactly which tone to use. I've never heard of anyone, human or Nightmare, who can control reality.

   I suppose it's possible the van rolled over on its own, but then how am I alive? 

Ableism

   I'm an Autistic Woman.

  This is the thing that has shaped my life, both internally and externally, the most. I've been labeled, judged, excluded and pitied because of it, but like most autistic people, I wouldn't change who I am for the world. 

   I bring this up, knowing I'll be judged, because I want to discuss something most of us, even those with disabilities, don't think about. Ableism. Ableism shapes the world every disabled person lives in, a world of people who think society is perfect and will never admit that it isn't. 

   I don't speak for every disabled person. I can't. Do even a little bit of research and you'll learn that there are a lot of disabled people, all of whom have very different needs and wants. My opinions aren't even representative of everyone with Autism, people who have to live and be shaped by an Ableist world just like I do, but through some combination of bad luck and personal values hate themselves for the same reason I love myself. People who suffer from Ableism, and in suffering push fear and hate onto others. 

   I don't have any simple solutions. There aren't any. Fixing Ableism requires fixing society itself, and society is deeply averse to being fixed, especially by those who aren't allowed to live in it. 

   I speak because I live in a world where my mother told me, "For you, everything comes back to Ableism", in a sneering tone, because she believes she's safe from a world that doesn't want me. 

    Why shouldn't it come back to Ableism? All my life I've needed more then I was supposed to have in order to survive, and now I live in a world where even the able-bodied and neurotypical can't succeed. Why shouldn't I blame those who think having stairs to a door is reasonable, or that it's okay to deny someone accommodations that they're entitled to? Why shouldn't I be angry at world that demands everyone work in an office, regardless of what's best for them? Why should I want to live in a world where I enter ever social situation terrified of how people will react when they see the real me, if I even get that far? 

   I care about Ableism because my life is shaped by Ableism, and way too many people have to deal with it as well. Disability rights are human rights, none of us can escape being old and bedridden. Society feels safe because most of us don't have the energy to fight, or the strength to ask for more. My mother constantly asks me why, if I'm so unhappy, don't I arrange for a protest, knowing that's not something I'll ever do. We are limited, and society only ever seeks to limit us further. 

    So I won't let it. I can't protest society into being accepting, but I'll do what I can to not let those close to me get away with bullying me. I'll hold onto hope that someday society will grow into a place where all of us has a chance at success, where food and housing are guaranteed and every child has access to special help in their classrooms. Someday, we'll live in a world where no one feels alone and unwanted, because everyone has a place that suits them. Someday, we won't live in a world where we have to be what the world wants us to be, because we'll know how to shape the world to suit us. 

Cassie's Plans

  It's the middle of summer, my favorite time of year. It's been almost four weeks since I took out the Shadow God and got him to repeal the law. At least, I like to think it was me who got it repealed. There haven't been any announcements from the Nightmares so it's hard to tell.

    I decided to pay a visit to the heartland. I don't like to go when it's fall, because the Nightmares' celebrations make it really chaotic even if the power is lower than it is the rest of the year. Summer is when it gets quiet, but soon the celebration of Horror fest will start. I wanted to see Alex at least once before that happens. She finds me every time I come to the heartland to make sure I won't steal any power. I haven't told her yet that I couldn't steal any power even if I wanted to. It's nice to have someone who wants to talk to you.

   "Hey, Alex?" I say.

   "Yeah?" Alex replies.

   "What kind of jobs are there for humans?" I ask her.

   "What are you asking me for? I don't know any humans other than you." She replies.

   "My parents got me my first job last year and I lost it three months later. Now I'm just on the streets. I don't want to work, but I need another job." I say.

   "What do humans need work for anyway? It's not like the homes they live in cost much." She says.

   "Well, I don't have a job, so I can't make money to live in a home, even if it's just a room with no furniture." I say.

   "Don't you have your parents?" She asks.

   "I don't live with them anymore. I had to move to the city to work, and I don't want to admit that I couldn't keep the job that they found for me. I wouldn't care that much, but I don't want to have to sleep on the streets anymore." I say.

   "You sleep on the streets?" She says.

   "All the time." I say.

   "Why? Are you trying to become a Nightmare?" She asks.

   "What does sleeping on the streets have to do with becoming a Nightmare?" I say.

   "Humans don't sleep. We make sure they're too scared to. If you sleep a lot, that means you're trying to convince Nightmares you can take them in a fight, so they'll recommend you for enhancement." She says.

   "I just sleep because I feel tired. Yeah, I do meet a lot of Nightmares, but I've been lucky enough to not meet any of the strong ones. Which I'm grateful for because I get really sleepy at nighttime and I can't go for more than a few days without sleeping. I've tried." I say.

   "Do you get hungry?" She asks.

   "No. Good thing, because you can't buy food in the Human City." I reply.

   "Maybe you should see a doctor." She says.

   "My mother took me to several wise people when I was younger to find a way to stop the sleeping. Nothing they tried worked." I say.

   "She never took you to a doctor though, did she." Alex says.

   "What's the difference?" I ask. 

   "The difference is that if it's an actual case of weakness you'll be able to learn how to manage it. Among other things."

   "I don't even know where I could find a doctor, and even if I could I'd never be able to afford it." I tell her.

   "I know they have an Enhancer. Go there and tell them you want to become a Nightmare. They'll do the rest." She says.

   "I guess I could do that." I say.

    I don't want to tell her I'm never going to do that. Even if I did have the potential to become a Nightmare, I wouldn't have become one anyway. I hate the way power feels, I don't want to scare people, and I can't talk to anyone well enough to make friends. I thought the problem was just that I sleep, which no other human I've met, or read about, does. The longer I'm away from my parents, the more it becomes clear that that isn't the problem. 

    People look at me. If I say hi, they say hi back. But unless I'm talking to them they won't talk to me at all. I've been in multiple crowds of people who aren't supposed to know one another, and within minutes everyone will be talking to everybody else but nobody will be talking to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

    I have gotten better at finding work. Nothing that lasts for more than a day, and nothing that will pay me enough to have a home. I'm so worried about stealing my money that I don't want to try and save enough to pay rent. I can't protect it when I'm asleep. 

   Sometimes I dream, when I'm awake, about becoming a servant to one of the High Nightmare families. I don't know what makes them special, except for the fact that they're the families the Avatars of the Gods come from, I just know that they offer jobs to humans sometimes. I'm told that if you can land one of those jobs, you're set for life. Since they're based on Nightmare time instead of human time you always have the night of, since they sleep at night to keep their Dreamworlds together. I was kind of hoping Alex would know something about it, since I've heard that you can only get a job for a High Nightmare if you can demonstrate you have the ability to use a lot of power. Does that mean they'll only let you work for them if you want to become a Nightmare yourself?

    I'm still not sure what sleeping has to do with becoming a Nightmare. I read somewhere that power is generated by everyone when they feel a strong emotion, and that Nightmares use it to make Dreamworlds. I also know that Nightmares all have weaknesses, and the stronger you are the worse your weakness is. I'm not a Nightmare though, and I have no potential to become one. Yet Lady Greaves said the exact same thing Alex said when I told her I sleep every night, "Are you trying to become a Nightmare?"

   I'm not. I'm just trying to become a human.