The Last Post of February

     Throughout most of 2023. I decided to publish as much of my backlog of poems as I could. I tried to overwrite from month to month, as a way of making sure I always had a backup, but I eventually had so many poems it was hard for me to tell what I had published and what I hadn’t. So I decided that if I thought it was at all publishable, I would publish it, and I wouldn’t write anything else until I’d started running low. Well, I’m running low, or at least I’m at the point where I can scroll down to the bottom of the One Note Notebook I use for my unpublished poems and see the most recent unpublished poem up top. I have about two-months worth of poems (for Monday, not for Wednesday and Friday) left to get up, so I’m trying to come up with more things to write poems about. 

     For this reason, I’m trying to think of what I think our future should be like. Most of what I wrote about in 2022 was just complaining about how sucky our present was (I figured that since no one was reading what I had to say anyway, I might as well). I sort of took a break last year, mostly because I wanted to up the quality of my writing so I started practicing daily. I’m trying to get to the point where I can hold a train of thought long enough to, theoretically, write a novel. I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered that, but I decided to try and get back into writing posts because I was getting tired of writing for no one, especially when I’m proud of at least some of what I’m writing. 

    I don’t want our future to look anything like our present. That sounds, and feels, so wrong but it’s very much true. On some level, I don’t expect our world to change much at all. I keep expecting that the things that made up my past will persist, in some way, into our future, only to find that suddenly they can’t for some reason. Though I don’t think that I keep imagining a world that, from our vantage point, looks crazy and immoral just because it’s easier. To me, the biggest problem is that we’ve been unsatisfied with our world for a long time. We’ve done things the easy way for a long time, and we’ve just kind of accepted that they have to be what they are. I think that we’ve reached the point where, at the very least, we want to be unsatisfied in a different way.

      This has led me to a future where everything is simultaneously more subdued than our current world, and much more out there and crazy. It is a world where people insist the world belongs to them, and their rebellion takes the form of finding the mindset that best suits them and their views. There’s superficiality, but there’s a depth to it that our current world lacks, one not brought by people doing as they say, but by people using both their worlds and actions to create a stronger, more cohesive narrative about their lives. People know about the Infinite in this world, and almost everyone knows how to manipulate their Dreamworlds to some degree. There are still those who become Nazis, but they do so willingly and not just because propaganda was shoved down their throat. When people want to leave the Dreamworld they were born in, they can do so easily and safely, without accidently becoming in ensnared in something dangerous either built by someone else or that they accidently created themselves. 

      Someday someone will look at Infinitelism with a critical eye and tell me all of the ways in which it does not make sense. I know this, and I’ve accepted this. Whether I’m right or not, I’d be a little disappointed in the world if this didn’t happen. What good is the Dreamworld I’ve built for myself if I can’t defend it, after all? As time goes on, and I look at a world of people convinced that they have to live in a Dreamworld tied to reality in order to survive, I’ve found myself wondering if my ability to live in a world cut off from reality might be more vital than I thought. Unlike most Conspiracy theorists, I can live in reality and even accept that I might be wrong sometimes. I don’t know if that’s because I’m right or because I believe in what I’ve created enough that being wrong doesn’t hurt me. What I do know is that I see a lot of people who seem to be lost, trapped in a world they can’t make sense of. They’re stuck in a world that they can’t believe in anymore, and they aren’t able to create one they can believe in by themselves. What help they can get doesn’t seem up to the task, at least to me. Mostly because I think sometimes the best thing for your own sanity is rejecting reality, at least the parts of it that weren’t built with you in mind. After all, once upon a time racial discrimination was common. If the right people hadn’t said that this wasn’t a reality they would accept, the world wouldn’t have changed.