I keep trying to come up with something to write in Thursday slot, but I can't figure out how to make what I want to say suitable for any audience larger than my eyes alone. I can't explain any of what I've been thinking about for months without appearing to be massively delusional, and I can't explain why it matters to me without looking like I've gone off the deep end. I know that at this point it's safe to say that we're all just coping with reality, but let's not pretend that we aren't all judging each other's coping strategies.
Somewhere after I started writing for this blog daily, I started believing that this philosophy I believe in, which I call Infinitelism because I can't think of a better name for it, might be important. Not in the, "I could use this to start a cult," sense, but in the, "This could be the foundation of our future," sense. It feels like a stupid thing to admit, I can't prove that it's true, and I'm petrified of the thought that I'm just putting up mental layers to avoid admitting that I'm starting a cult. Not that anyone would notice me on this blog, but just because you can't do something doesn't mean you aren't still evil for trying.
It doesn't help that I keep being bothered by thoughts claiming that the world is relying on me to build it a future. "Relying" isn't even the right word, but I can't think of a better way to explain it. It's like we're in the middle of a funnel, where anything outside of a very small tube of possibilities will end us completely, and I'm in the middle of that funnel. Maybe it's just ego telling me that my actions are especially important, but that isn't what my heart is saying.
I'm torn, honestly, because everyone wishes that they could see themselves in a movie, tailored to their taste in genre and setting. Everyone wants to believe that they're important, and the future depends on their actions. But we all know that the future also depends on everyone else, and that if they don't want the future we dream of then there's not much they can do. In some ways, I think that we're happier knowing that the future doesn't depend on us. It means that when we screw up, it doesn't have to matter to anyone who isn't us. We may want power, but I think the number of people who dream of being as powerful as Elon Musk number about the same as those who want to be a struggling single mom with three kids.
I think the only difference between me and everybody is that I came up with the philosophy of Infiniteslism, and I came up with it because it increasingly became the only way that everything I was seeing made sense. So much of my life made sense when viewed one way but not the other, and nobody seemed interested in coming up with a system where fantasy and science were equally valid and important, which is something that I've always believed was true. The problem I have with society as a concept is that it's always given a lot of attention to things that most people don't care about while ignoring the things they care the most about. It's why I built a system where reality was so flexible even physics could be altered, I wanted a system where everyone had to be accounted for. I don't think that codifying it into law is enough. We need to convince everyone that until the day we're all certain that the fates hear our pleas, our world will never really be real.
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