Life, short version

   I know I should talk about something more interesting than my life, which as lives go is very boring, but right now I just, want to talk. Not vent, there's just a lot going on in my head, and no one to talk about it to, so I may as well post about it, since no one's reading this.
    Blogging has made me question myself. I'm more upset than I thought I was going to be that I don't have any followers. I pride myself on not caring about what other people think of me, though I guess it's more that I pretend I don't so that it hurts less. I'm not sure if that's really what's bothering me though. I feel like I need to be doing more to increase viewership, but I can't find anything that I'm willing to try.
   I think the issue is that up until now, I've tried to avoid being a part of society. I thought I had a good grasp of what people wanted, but now I'm not so sure.
    What scares me the most is that I'm worried I'm only in this for myself, that I think I'm entitled to a large following just because I managed to get over my fears enough to post about myself publicly. When I was little, I watched a lot of TV, and one of the messages they really hammered home back then was not to ask for more than you deserve and to be happy with what you had. I don't hate anyone who has a larger following than I do, they worked hard to earn it.
   Writing was always my passion. I love what I write, and hold it to my heart closely. But I've always suspected that I'm actually a terrible writer. I don't always love good writing, I love writing that touches me on an emotional level, which can be intentional or not. I want to believe that this is my passion project, that I'm sharing this for the people who feel the way I do about the world, and that I just want to change the world in my own, very small way.
    I'm not sure if that's really the case anymore.