The Perils of Fortune telling

      These past few days have been a bit heavy, so I think I'm going to talk about something phenomenally stupid I believe. 

    Throughout history, humans have had many approaches to telling the future, from using string to heating bones over a fire. Despite my doubts as to its merits, I occasionally dabble in fortune telling myself. My personal rule, though, is that I have to try and use the least effective method to predict the future that I can. So I usually just role dice or draw five cards from a deck and make a prediction based on that. 

    In my opinion the most effective method of predicting the future is using the weather report. I'm not just referring to it predicting rain or sun. I have this hypothesis that the weather is partially affected by the mood of people in the area, so if it's hotter then normal people are angry and if it's cold and wet then people are sad. I realize that the weather affects peoples moods, but my brain has noticed that the weather sometimes gets warm when major events happen, and as brains often do, it has become convinced that this always happens. 

  Do you ever try and predict the future? What method do you use?

Thoughts

    I'm not used to talking about my feelings. The only time I've gotten a chance was at therapists office, and even then they usually just say, "That's nice and all, but let's focus on getting you better now, 'kay." 

    That's why my blog tends to be a bit disorganized. I'm not really writing for a professional audience, I'm writing for people who, like me, feel that no one in the world could possibly care about or understand them. I know a lot of people say that if people don't like you, then you need to work on yourself, but if you've never thought of yourself as someone who could be liked, it can feel a bit futile. 

    I know people hate the internet, but I owe everything to it. It's where I first learned that I'm not alone in the world, where I found other people like me. It helped me realize that even if I'm strange and different, I'm not alone in the world. 

    I don't see it talked about a lot, if at all, but the right to be yourself is perhaps the greatest luxury you can have. People are expected to downplay if not conceal their true selves for the benefit of those around them. I don't care who defends this, all I see are people miserable about having to hide the truth from their friends and loved ones for fear they'll be rejected. And last week we saw where that philosophy can lead a society. 

    The whole reason I'm a blogger is that there's a lot about society, not just in America but in general, that doesn't make sense or feel right to me. Like the idea that everyone has to work. If you look at the numbers, it's clear that that isn't true, and acting like it is true means that a lot of people starve for no good reason. Then there's the way we elevate science but punish art, even though both are important for the growth of society. Or that we talk about bullying in such a way that everyone is discouraged from talking about their opinions. 

    We're working on it, I know. But at the bottom is this idea that the way to fix society is to fix the way people behave. That ignores the way society influences everyone. People behave the way society expects them to behave, or according to their own moral codes if no one is around. Again, we're becoming more aware of that, but the amount of people I see who assume that society is only as good or bad as the people living in it is frustrating. 

    I don't really know if I have much to say, I just have a lot of random thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for years now. I also want to have a place where I can just say what I feel about life, which can pretty much be summed up as "It sucks, but I still think it'll get better." With a whole lot of philosophy about the Universe shoved in there. I also want to talk about why I think the world is the way it is in a venue where I know no one will take me seriously. I do want to have an impact on the world, but the last thing I want is to destroy it completely. 

Thoughts of a Dreamer

   I'll start by stating the obvious; these are dark and horrible times. They've been dark and horrible for at least six years at this point, if not earlier. These are the kind of times where people either cry out in despair or search desperately for a solution. This post will be mostly the former. 

    I've made it clear at this point that I don't want to go back. Not to 2015, 2012, 2006 or 1995. I miss the way things were, and like everyone else I'm mourning what could have been, but I don't want to go back to a world where I honestly wasn't happy. Nobody was. We were just going through the motions praying that, tomorrow, things would be just a little bit better. Naturally they got a whole lot worse, but going back wouldn't change anything. The horrors of today were set in motion by the choices of the people of yesterday. You don't need to learn history to know that. 

    I don't know if things will get better. I know a lot of people say that things will get better at some point, but will we even be alive to see it? 

    What I miss most, though, is the feeling of certainty I had before the pandemic. The feeling that no matter how bad things were, when I wake up tomorrow the world will still be there, more or less the same way it is today. Now I know that that isn't true. Now every time I walk past a place I used to love, all I can do is ask how long it will be there, before it's demolished or destroyed in an earthquake. 

   Because I know I'm not the only person who feels the way I do, that going back, no matter how far, would be a huge mistake. 

The Sky and the Sun

 Sun is shining
Outside of my window,
The promise of a new day,
The hope of a better tomorrow.
The sun is shining,
How can it be so peaceful
When it's all gone so wrong?

All around me are walls of glass,
Trapping me,
Suffocating me,
Keeping in the warmth
From the sunlight outside.
Those outside the walls say that it is pleasant
And warm.

Those outside the walls
Keep us trapped,
Say that but for the enclosure
We would devour them,
Desperate for sustenance.
Those outside the walls
Don't trust us not to hurt them.

And why should they?
They see the stones
We have in our hands,
The rocks that will bring about 
Their demise.

Those of you who say
That we aren't prisoners,
Do you honestly think
That the walls were put here
For our benefit?
Do you honestly think 
That those outside the walls
Hear our cries,
Or that they would care if they could?

Do you not see
That they built these walls
So that only they would have access
To the sky and the sun? 

The Heat of Anger

    I'm writing this post the same day that I wrote Saturday's post. I just finished Monday's poem, and I decided that I don't want to have to worry about writing one post tomorrow. According to my phone, today's supposed to be hot, at least relative to the weather we normally get around here, and I expect we'll still be dealing with the fall out from yesterday. 

    I'm angry right now, but also really sad. Back when I was young, when I thought that America was the greatest country in the world, I wondered how someone could like living in one of those poor countries in Asia or Africa, the countries that only ever showed up on the news when they did something wrong. Now that I live in one of those countries, I realize that you can love a country even when you know it's not a good country, and that it probably never was. And it hurts, so much, because how can someone like you change things? You can yell and scream all you want, call the right people, picket outside of town hall, organize movements, all that and more I've seen people try, and it hasn't worked. 

   I'm glad that so many are speaking out about this, but I keep seeing people say, "Voting is more important than ever now." And I have to ask, is it? Voting Biden into office didn't fix things. Voting Obama into office didn't prevent this. Donald Trump didn't have a majority vote, yet he still won the 2016 election. So now we just vote more? Haven't we been told that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

    Maybe we are just insane. You'd have to be to see American and still think your country can be saved. 

Satan's Inner Circle

 Disclaimer: I'm not an expert on anything. I only have an AS degree from my local college. Do not come to me for expert advice, though if you need assurance that you're not the only person who feels angry today, the day that the Supreme court overturned Roe v. Wade for no good reason, I'm more than happy to provide it. 

   I lost faith in America a while ago. Not democracy, not my fellow citizens, America specifically. I don't believe in the concept our Founding Fathers put forth so many centuries ago, because I've seen firsthand just how much they aren't working in this day and age. Maybe it would work if we weren't people of the twenty-first century, but we are, and for us the old rules aren't useful anymore. 

  There's so much going through my mind right now. Old words from when I was small, new thoughts from when I became an adult, but beneath all of those things is a question I'm completely unable to answer. Why? Why do our leaders insist on building a system none of their followers is capable of believing in? If they'd come from afar to conquer us, that would be one thing, but they grew up in the same glass house we did, they wouldn't be in power now if they hadn't. Yet they rule as though they were foreign kings who hold us at their mercy. Do they think we aren't capable of destroying them? That we won't turn our backs on them if the don't give us what we need to live? Why do they insist on trying to take our power? No one in America is here because they were willing to give into a system they felt was unjust. They came because they wanted control over their own lives, control they felt they didn't have back home. I suppose it's poetic. We were the country you came to when life back home got dicey, now we're the country you run from because it's impossible to be who you are. 

    I keep thinking about glass houses. I see people angry over this, furious that not even the least partisan body in government is save from the evils of Fascism. And I don't know what to do. Voting won't fix this. Not enough people believe in our government now. Violence would make everything worse, but I suspect it's the only thing that'll scare those in charge enough for them to listen to us. If it were up to me, we'd all wake up tomorrow and say, "Enough. I'm done believing in a system that refuses to believe in me. I'm not going to do anything to keep this system going. I'm going to sit in bed, play with my kids, do whatever it takes to keep me happy. I won't be a part of a broken world." I know that won't work, that it's just a fantasy, but it's the only solution I have that's even remotely peaceful, and it still requires people to be willing to beg, barter, or steal if that's what it takes. 

    I wonder how much longer we have before our glass house is destroyed. 

The Illusion of Power

     Am I the only person who has an Illusion of power? Something she does that she pretends impacts the world in a meaningful way, even though there's absolutely no evidence that it does? Given how many people believe in conspiracy theories these days, I expect the answer is almost certainly yes. I know a lot of people are  annoyed by the fact that others will do things that don't change the world in obvious ways, but if growing up in the twenty-first century taught me anything, it's that even the obvious things don't work all the time and not everyone who wants to do them can for whatever reason. As someone with severe Anxiety issues, I can understand the appeal of something that allows you to feel powerful without putting yourself in a situation you're uncomfortable in. 

   Sort of related, but am I the only person who gets annoyed at people who say that making art or talking about a problem isn't an effective way of solving it? Specifically in the case of random people online, at least, I do think that talking and posting about these issues is important, especially if you're not sure that your right. I've been a writer for my entire life, and one thing I've learned is that consuming bad art is just as important as consuming good art. The most important skill you can learn as a creator is how to screw up, because that will tell you what you need to know to do it right the next time. And art, of any sort, matters to people. Why do you think people got so upset about NFTs? It's not because they thought it was a scam, it's because they viewed it as an affront to something important to them, mostly because it was something they'd always believed in, and now it was being reduced to something to only care about because you wanted to make money. 

     Honestly, as despicable as NFTs are, I feel that we, as a society, can learn a lot from them. Specifically, I think we can learn about the importance that the unreal has for people, especially those who can't or don't want to participate in society. The big failing of NFTs is that they got everything they were trying to do wrong. The only thing that kept them alive was pure unquestioning belief, and that's the hardest form of belief to maintain. More importantly, if you're trying to keep an illusion alive, it's the worst kind of belief to have. In order for an illusion to last, it needs to be malleable, and in order for an illusion to be malleable, people need to be able and willing to question it's merits, offer changes, and be sure that those changes can be implemented. 

   I wonder, would we be better off if we came up with an illusion of power that people could actually believe in? I don't want to live in a world where my voice will never be heard.  I don't think anyone does. I think that if we did live in a world where we couldn't be sure we mattered, that world would fall apart, because no one would believe in it's existence. 

Little Stories

So much time spent writing
My own little stories.
How much time must I spend
Making sure I followed the rules?  

Charcter count

 Did you do it right?
Better double check to be sure
Or else it won't count

     I've lived my entire life in day dreams. I know that's not normal, but it's the only life I know, and it's what my reality is built around. I honestly find it strange that most people just don't daydream all that often. Doesn't it get boring?