A Thoughtless World

 Oh to live 
In a thoughtless world,
A world where worries
Are but a myth.

Oh to live in a world
Where we don't have to worry
About darkness anymore.

     I miss the days when we could pretend we had a sensible government in the United States. 

Our Universe

 Our universe
Surrounds 
And protects us
From what we can't
Know about.

Our universe
Won't crumble
Because we made 
A small mistake. 

    As of today, it's three more days until the start of April, which means it's three more days until the start of national poetry month in the United States. I don't plan on participating on Twitter, but I'm definitely going to write a lot of poems. 

Something to Wait For

 Everyone is standing on the platform,
Waiting for something to arrive.
A train? A Bus? A Taxi? 
I don't know
And nobody else seems to either.

No one remembers how we got here.
Nobody knows where they're going.
All we know is that we're waiting,
Waiting for something that doesn't seem
To want to come.

On and on we stand,
Our feet getting sore and our legs starting to give out.
You'd think they'd give us benches,
Or at least something to lean on,
But apparently we don't deserve it.
Or maybe they think that the more we suffer now,
The more we'll enjoy the ride when it gets here.

At this moment, I just want to know that something will happen,
That a vehicle will pull up to the platform in front of me
And take me somewhere I want to go.
I know it's silly, 
I know it could take me someplace 
I wish I'd never seen,
But I just want to know that I have something to wait for,
Something that will make the wait worthwhile. 

    When I was in school, I almost never studied for tests. Not because I could ace every subject without studying, but because whenever I opened up a book to start studying, I'd get so overwhelmed with all the things I had to try and learn that I just shut down and didn't do any of it. I feel like that's what's happening on a societal level. Every problem has reached crisis mode at the same time, and nobody knows what order we need to tackle problems in, or even what steps we should take to solve problems at an individual level. We aren't ignoring our problems, we're shoving them to one side and hoping they go away. I realize this is unrealistic, but what we need now is for someone with a soothing voice who has no involvement with the situation to come and help us figure out what order to do things in, and remind us that we'll be fine. Worked well for the Autism program I used in college, not sure how it'll help in real life. 

    I've been hearing rumors about a recession coming for a long time, but if living through 2008 taught me anything, it's that you don't see a recession coming. Not like this. It doesn't feel like a recession's coming. It feels like we're waiting for the apocalypse. 

The World Beyond the Stars

 Do you ever think 
About what will happen
When we leave earth
Behind for good?

What will we see
Once we soar
To a world
Beyond the stars? 

     I wonder how soon before we find a way to record our daydreams to digital media. I'm not thrilled to learn what the consequences will be, but I'm genuinely curious to see how different our minds actually are. 

Rebuilding

 One thing that gives me hope
Is that now
I can see our world
Being remade,
Piece by piece. 

    I don't know if I'm the only person getting more articles about Neurotech (with the rise of algorithms, it's hard to tell what other people think reality looks like anymore), but between that and the fears of AI, I'm increasingly certain that the future will depend on us being able to create our own realities, and then find a way to share them with others. 

The Price we Pay

 Where are the words that once flowed freely,
And the pen that I used to wield?
What happened to the thoughts that went through my mind,
Why is it that I can now only feel?
Am I just a has been? Did I dream large,
Only to come crashing back down to earth?
Is this moment the moment it all ends,
Or could it be a moment of rebirth?

To dream is to give up a piece of your soul,
That is the price you must pay.
If you wish to remain real and eternal,
This is not a game you should play.
I gave up everything within my mind,
Hoping the sun would shine bright.
I kept begging for a new world to arrive,
Now my chances of survival are slight.

Where are the people giving their voice,
So that our world has air it can breathe?
They claim they're angry and frightened of change,
So why only sit there and seethe?
Is the only reason they dream of tomorrow
The fact that the rich must be pleased?
Can they truly not see that if they don't ask,
They're doomed to find they've been fleeced?

To dream is to give up a piece of your soul,
That is the price you must pay.
Thus it only makes sense to forgive and forget,
Or so the wise ones used to say.
If others would join me in demanding that leaders
Do more than just sit on their rumps,
Perhaps the hard times we've been trapped in for years
Would be nothing but a minor speed bump.

What could happen if the world that I dream of
Turned out to one day be real?
Would I have more than just thoughts in my mind?
Would I be able to do more than just feel?
Will I be someone that people remember
After this moment that marks my rebirth?
Is it true that I could someday be
The most powerful person on earth?

To Dream is to give up a piece of your soul,
That is the price you must pay.
The truth is that I'd rather do that
Than just sit on my knees and pray.
Only by telling the world what you wish for
Will you find that your voice has been heard.
So I continue to write about all of the feelings
For which I no longer have words.

And someday, soon, when we're free from this never ending night,
I'll look upwards with my heart brimming with hope, 
for the sun will once more shine bright.

     If I ever become part of society, it will be as myself, not as some version of myself I cooked up to pretend that I'm a better person than I actually am. 

    I want to do more than just blog about random things for the rest of my life. I'm increasingly wishing that I could be a community leader of some sort. 

The End

 How much longer 
Do we have
Until the current age
Ends? 

     I think that fantasies are the biggest issue nobody is talking about. By fantasies, I mean the fantasies people build in their head of the world around them, their way of trying to piece reality together from what little bits of information they can glean from their senses. We ignore this, act as though we don't need to interact with the worlds that live in our minds alone, but I think that only by admitting that dreams impact our lives to perhaps a greater degree than reality, at least for some people, can we ever hope to understand what makes us who we are. 

The Desperate

 Why does twitter
Want me to know
That my post was viewed
Only a few times?

I'll grant you
My words
Speak of greatness,
But this is a bit much.

     I can't be the only person who wishes that daydreaming was talked about more, and not just the simple kind you have where your mind wanders a bit. I didn't know until I was an adult that I wasn't the only one who had very elaborate fantasies, and I'm a writer. The entire reason that I became a writer was because I read a book when I was ten that said that daydreamers make excellent writers. I also know there are a lot of daydreamers like who find it overwhelming and isolating, and I completely understand, even if I don't personally feel that way. Even if we can't help people who have been trapped by their daydreaming, couldn't we at least admit that yes, it can be a problem? I will admit, to me daydreaming can sometimes be less fun, and more like I'm hooked on a drug that I have infinite access to. 

The Abyss

 I fly above the darkness,
Seeing it gnaw at my feet.
It growls, hungry, 
Desperate for my body 
And soul. 
I flap my wings harder,
Terrified that if I fall, 
I'll die. 
The higher I fly,
The higher it reaches,
Determined to claim
What is rightfully mine.

Suddenly, my wings lock up,
I can't keep myself airborne,
I'm terrified, but I can't keep myself
Out of the endless sea.
I wake up,
All around me is black and heavy,
Filled with the pressure of 
Something desperate to be real. 
I try to find my way out,
But the fear that used to follow me dissipates,
For my soul thinks that this is its one true home.
I try to hold onto fear,
To hold onto anything,
Anything that will help me navigate back
To freedom and safety.
In the darkness,
I hear the voices calling out,
"Join us,
Only by giving up control
Can you ever hope 
To find the freedom you seek."

Is this my future?
Am I doomed to be nothing more than a slave?
I make it out,
But I still hear the abyss
Calling my name, 
And there's a voice within me that's desperate to return,
Desperate to flee from a world where nothing matters.
It would be so easy to give in.

I shouldn't be worried.
However overpowering the abyss seems to be,
I see it shrinking, day by day. 
It won't be long until we're all bathed in what we 
Think is sunlight,
Until our skin peels off 
And our souls beg for mercy. 
It won't be long until I need not fear the abyss,
For what is heaven
But a place where there's no darkness at all,
No protection from the things
We were not meant to face. 

   I used to worry that our world will fall to fascism. With how quickly AI is evolving, and how soon it'll be able to mimic reality, I'm not sure we'll have a world to lose before long. You know you're living in the best of times when the world falling apart isn't the worst thing that could possibly happen. 

A World Like Any Other

    When I was younger, I used to pretend that I had the ability to enter an alternate universe that was just like our universe, but didn't have any other people in it. How it worked and what you could do depended on what I felt that day, but one thing that stayed constant was that time didn't move while I was there. When I got bored, and wanted to see my friends and family again, I could go back home, and they wouldn't even notice that I'd been gone. 

     There are days when I wish that I could go back to The Past. Not because it was better, but because it felt like home. Life now and life prior to 2020 took place in completely different worlds, worlds that look almost identical, but have none of the same people. I can't tell if I'm a different person or not, I just know I'm the only person I know who's happier in our post 2020 world than the world we had before. But that doesn't mean this place feels safe, or welcoming. In some ways, being better off just makes me feel guilty. It doesn't help that I feel as though I could have had all that I have now without the world falling apart in the process. Whatever the case, I now have the world I dreamed of as a child, a world where I can do whatever I want without fear of consequence. But I always knew the only way this world would stay perfect would be if I could go back to the old world whenever I wanted to, without that, it's just a world like any other.  

Sunshine

 Sunshine spilling out
Over the green trees outside
Soon flowers will bloom 

    One nice thing about winter coming to an end is that I can clear out my backlog of poems. 

Spring

 Flowers are blooming
It's almost springtime
When will winter end? 

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again; we'll never go back to the world we used to know. That's more true now than it's ever been. 

The Collective Goal

 How can anyone believe in Heaven
Even as our world is burning to death?
All of our hopes and dreams have been dashed so
Very wealthy people can have more stuff. 
Everyone is angry at everyone,
No one wants to accept blame for their crimes.

Eager to destroy the planet, like a
Xenomorph overtaking a space ship.
Impulsively working to make more stuff,
Stuff that no one needs or wants but will buy.
Those in charge are working to kill us all
So they can feast on our very flesh. 

Hold onto hope, people keep saying as
Earth warms, the economy collapses
And billionaires flee to outer space.
Virtually everyone agrees that
Elsewhere would be heavenly, but we have
Nowhere else we could go and be safer.

I hope our descendants can survive a 
Sordid, empty, lifeless, hungry, sad world.

Our only hope is to undo all the
Unfortunate things we did to get more
Respect from everyone else, friend and foe.

Gathering everyone together, all
Over the world, making sure everyone agrees to
Action now, before it's too late will save
Lives, rich and poor, good and evil alike.

Oh if only it were that simple, if
Nobody questioned climate change, than the
Loss of everything wouldn't be certain,
Yearning for death wouldn't be an option.

The truth is that we are doomed, our world is
Hobbling towards its end. The planet 
Earth will live on, but we will soon die out.

So live life while you still can, dreaming of
Things that might still happen before we fall.
Relinquish your right to sadness and fear.  
Open your heart to those around you and
Never give in to the fear overhead.
Give it time, and this will be forgotten.

Calmness descends upon those who give up.
Another day goes by, same as the last.
Never give in to the rage of others. 

Even as they fight, they know they will lose.
Nothing can save us from eternity.
Tomorrow will be the same for every
Earthly being, human or not.
Rejoice, as everything crumbles for all. 

     I wish I knew how to help those who are genuinely struggling, but how does one find community when one believes in things that you know perfectly well aren't real? What do you do if a core part of your belief system is that nothing you believe in is real unless you believe in it? What does it say about you if the only thing you don't believe in is the rest of humanity?

    I hope that someday, it won't be a crime to believe in the Dreamworld. 

The World by my Window

The world rushes by my window.
Time seems to be at a standstill.
One moment follows another
For all eternity,
But now lasts forever. 

     It's still cold outside, but the sun is shining. I get the feeling it's going to be a beautiful spring this year. 

Our World

 Our world is built on thoughts and ideas,
A land of memories and dreams.
Look in between the words people say
And you will find what they want in the seams.