Why is it that British Monarchy has survived a slew of terrible kings, but one bad president is enough to put American Democracy in serious Jeopardy? Seriously, we’re in danger of falling into fascism after one president did fascism, which seems to me shouldn’t be a problem that we have to worry about. I do realize that getting rid of Donald Trump didn’t put an end to Fascism, but that’s kind of it, isn’t it? If Donald Trump was the problem, then getting rid of him should have fixed it.
I just voted in the presidential primary. If they hadn’t allowed me to vote for “Uncommitted Delegate” on my ballot, I probably wouldn’t have voted at all. I’m a registered Democrat, but I hate Biden, and I hate that voting for him means voting for a genocide enabling maniac. I vote Democrat to avoid moral dilemmas, and also death. One would hope. I’m exceedingly grateful that our leaders let us not vote for Biden, but the fact that they did that speaks to their knowledge that something’s very wrong, and they know it. Deep down, they know it’s only a matter of time before we abandon them, and the only people they’re fooling are themselves.
I wish there was some other, better way of making my opinions known than by voting, something that felt real. All I have is just complaining and hoping someone finds my blog by accident. Not exactly a great way to establish any political traction. Like a lot of people, I keep screaming at the sky hoping that the Universe will hear me and do something about this, because I keep forgetting that in the grand scheme of things we’re mostly too small to bother with. What I want, right now, is a ballot that lets me say, “I’m voting for Biden because he’s the only choice I have.” Because that’s what I want to tell the government right now. I’m not voting for Biden because I support his political policies, I’m voting for him because the other option is even more unthinkably awful. Unfortunately, in the United States at least, votes from people are weighted equally no matter their reason, so my vote will be treated as an enthusiastic embrace of a man I quite honestly loathe and a system I can’t wait to die off.
I don’t think Democracy is supposed to feel like this, where you go to the polls solely because you know the world expects you to and you vote only because the system will collapse if you don’t. I know that our laws of physics stay real because everything in the Universe makes a conscious effort to follow them, but I don’t think our system should fall apart just because the choices are really bad for an election. Just because there’s no one on the ballot that I want to vote for doesn’t mean I don’t want to not be allowed to vote at all.
As an Infinitelist, I think I’ve just realized that in order for democracy to work the way that it was meant to, it can’t truly feel real. A world that feels real feels like it’s going to be there no matter what you do, you’ve followed its laws for so long they’ve become grafted to your bones. Democracy isn’t like that, if you forget that it’s there, it often ceases to exist. It requires that people fight, in every way they can, for the world that they want to live in. If that’s the case, this era of people doing all they can to make their voices heard should feel like a win for democracy, as we’re getting a wake up call for just how fragile our world is. But it doesn’t. Because Democracy, real Democracy, means constantly facing your worst fear every day of your life.
The fear I’m facing right now is this deep sense that no matter what I do, I’m making the wrong choice. The right choice feels like buying a ticket to outer space on one of those rockets heading into the sun. Reality has become so hard to maintain that it just feels impossible. Nothing I can do will let me create a world that feels real. Everything I can think of just winds up turning into a world meant for someone else. I guess that means I just have to keep fighting, in whatever way I can, for a world where, in the future, our country isn’t destroyed because of one bad president. No president of the United states should have the ability to destroy Democracy.
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