Life Sucks

     I'm so sick of pretending.

    I've had this blog for five and a half years. I've been writing regularly for a little over a year now. I've waffled between wanting fame and fortune or just wanting to be an obscure idiot writing whatever came to her mind that day, but I always pretended that someday I'd see the view count soar up. I'd be famous, have a fanbase to support me, be able to do what I love for the rest of my life. Now it all feels like a pipe dream.

   All my dreams are of power and madness, driven by a deep desire to have someone, anyone hear me. But nobody will, and even if they did they wouldn't care. I'm tired of being the last in line, of being second fiddle to everybody else. I used to think I was good enough at something to be noticed, but all I notice now is the fact that people would be so much happier if I just got out of the way. What's wrong with me putting my own needs first and foremost? Isn't that the entire point of being alive? Yes, we're supposed to care about others, but not at the expense of our own health and wellbeing. For once, I want to be the most important person in my life, and not have to care about what anyone else thinks of how I live my life.