Minipost

Not really in the mood for a long post today. I know it takes time to build an audience, but I keep wondering if I'm doing enough for the blog. Mostly because I keep hoping to get more views, but also, I just don't know if I'm doing enough. What I hope is to reach the point where I feel comfortable talking about some of my, shall we say, crazy ideas, and where I have a large enough audience for it to matter. I don't really want to be famous, though the less rational part of me thinks it would be fun, I just wish I wasn't opening my stats page to only see zeroes.
   Maybe I've just played too many simulations. You don't have to wait for long periods, even if your supposed to wait you can just cheat your way around it. In real life, you have to wait if you want a reward for something. I've said before that I don't want to be at the top, I just wish I had a little more than I do now. I just want to feel like I what I think is important, that I matter in some way. The delusional part of me believes that I can give a service that no one else can provide. I know it isn't true, but I still believe it anyways.
   Still, it is kind of nice to not have anyone reading my blog, in a way. I don't have to try and cater to my audience, and I don't have to worry about any backlash, or how I might handle it. I've spent my entire life avoiding criticism, so the thought of what people might say if I do become famous scares me, not because of my reputation, I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm probably worried about nothing. I doubt that I'll ever become mainstream enough for that kind of comment to become common enough for me to be scared, even if it is, I could always turn off my comments if I need a break.
   And eventually I'll get an audience. They don't show up in your first two weeks of posting.

November 20, 2019

   I just applied for an associates degree from my community college. As I was looking at the degree audit tool, I decided to look at some other degrees and certificates for fun. I have to say, I was surprised by just how many options there were, and how simple they turned out to be.
   When I was just starting college six years ago, I was planning on becoming a chemical engineer. That plan eventually fell down the tubes, not because I thought the classes were hard but because I found working in the lab environments to be extremely stressful. The next three years were spent trying to find something that I was good enough at to not have to study. Naturally, this ended in disaster.
  I wish that I'd taken the time to find something I could easily do. Than I would have a job, and I'd have more confidence. I'm honestly thinking of doing that now, then I would have a bigger chance of getting a job that would pay me decently.
   First I have to get a job that pays me though. I don't want to live off of my mother's money anymore. Getting a job is my highest priority right now.