When I think of this next election all I can think is, "We shouldn't vote Trump," That goes without saying. But I look at the people telling me to overlook the genocide in Gaza, because Trump would be orders of magnitude worse, and I can't help but think, "That may be true, but if our society is so broken that our government can't stop a genocide in a country that relies on us for money, do we have a chance?" I feel like we're in denial of just how bad the situation has gotten, and I don't like that nobody seems to have noticed this yet. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could vote for Kamala Harris. It would make things so much better if on November sixth I could look back and say, "Well at least I tried." But we're at a point where the world could end and I could die if I don't vote for her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that feels a little fascist to me. 

Good Vs. Evil

 Am I wrong in thinking
That our narratives are overly simplistic
On purpose?

Am I wrong in thinking
That this isn't really a fight 
Between good and evil,
But a fight between reality
And the end of all we know?

Am I wrong in suspecting
That good will win only
Because we're terrified of death?

Am I wrong in thinking
That we'll wake up one morning
To find that this is all a lie? 

     I need to state this for the record; no matter who wins the next election, things won't be peaceful. I don't think the democrats have what it takes to keep the fascists from taking more ground, and I want to believe that if Trump was elected we'd push back. The truth is, the world as we know it will end on November fifth. Either we fight like hell to bring back the world we loved, or we watch it fade into the Infinite. There is no way that our government will save us now. 

The Vote

 What are we voting for?
Are we really sure that 
The forces who destroyed democracy will walk away quietly?
Or are we just pretending
That so long as we profess our belief
In democracy
Than the sun will rise tomorrow?

I'm one of millions who will abstain
Not because of politics
But for personal reasons.
Reasons such as being disillusioned with those
Who pretend that our flag 
Ever meant anything. 

I have my choice 
As to who I want in charge,
But my voice will never be heard. 
Will I regret my decision?
I truly don't know. 
What I do know
Is that it feels wrong not to make it. 

Vote if you can.
Abstain if you must.
Pray that our country 
Dies on its own terms. 
Pray that when it dies,
You'll be alive
And strong enough to see the future. 

     This election cycle has gotten me thinking about what I want from our political system and why. Mostly I just want a world where when it becomes clear that nobody buys the mainstream narrative anymore, we have a plan of action in place to create something different. I want a more competent brand of evil, basically. As far as I can tell, all of the people in power who aren't in an elected position dream of power for the same reasons I do and are using the same tactics as I do to get it. Am I wrong in thinking that when you have control over millions of people, your tactics should be more sophisticated than a dreamer with no power over anyone? I've decided that if I can't honestly say that I'm jealous of you, you don't deserve to be above me. There's shockingly few people in power who can clear that very low bar. 

Political Rant

     I can't believe that the Washington Post isn't endorsing anyone. I know that I'm not voting, and I've talked about that a lot, but I don't think I have the same impact as the Washington Post would have. Also, pretty much everyone agrees this was just because they don't want to suffer any backlash for endorsing Kamala Harris if Trump wins. Except that no one wants him to win. I hate the concept of being stuck in a country where a party always wins because the other option is to accept the existence of the Infinite. I reject that future on principle.

    My feeling is that if you're not willing to do anything to protect people from the Infinite because you expect the people to do most of the work for you, you're not worth my time. Only it's not just the government that's not doing anything to protect people from the Infinite. Even a lot of the people going to bat against Trump are only doing that because they're terrified of him winning. But I didn't see the Democrats do a whole lot to protect us. 

     I'm a Leftist. I've seen people fight fascism ever since Trump was elected. People have been fighting this for years, begging for people to see the truth and do more. When the rest of the establishment finally realizes that we crossed the point of no return years ago, it'll be too little too late. 

Butterfinger

A sweet treat for all
Made with layers of peanuts
And contempt for good. 

      Something that's really starting to bother me is that the people trying to convince me not to vote for Trump don't seem to be doing anything to convince me to vote. My problem is that from where I'm sitting, I'm voting in either a candidate who supports an ongoing genocide and one who supports the downfall of American democracy, and the only reason to vote for the genocide candidate is to put off the fall of democracy for two years if we're lucky. That feels like an obvious issue that should be addressed by someone, but no one's talking about what you should do if you, like me, feel like you're being told to compromise your moral compass for little to no long term benefit. At some point I have to ask; if we can't save democracy, than why do we keep dragging the point out? 

Mole Day

An important day for chemistry nerds,

But not for anyone else.

Celebrating something 

No one cares about,

In a way that doesn't make sense.

Many people with hobbies understand

Why you'd celebrate 

The number of atoms

In twelve grams of carbon,

But for the rest,

It's better to stick to Christmas. 

    Two weeks until the Election. Dear God. 

The Center of America

 America is Good.
That's the first lesson I learned 
About patriotism.
America is Good.
Don't question it,
Don't think too closely,
Don't be afraid to call out its flaws,
But always remember
That America is Good.

Make America Great Again.
That's the first time I remember 
A politician outright saying
That we weren't a great country. 
It was a clear farce.
Going back to a past
Of oppression 
And entrapment
Wouldn't fix anything. 
Besides,
America might have problems
But at its center
It was still America.
How could it go wrong? 

But then the bad guys won,
And everything changed. 
It's been four years since I voted
To bring America
Back to life. 
We all did. 
Only to find out that evil
Doesn't like to lay down and die.

Ever since then,
It's been one good party
And one bad party.
That's the one truth that everyone agrees on,
Even if they don't agree on who the good guys are. 

America is Good.
That's the first lesson I learned
About patriotism.
Trust the plan. 
Believe in Democracy.
Don't be afraid to speak your mind. 
But one party now supports genocide,
While the other is a monster in every way. 

There is a line between Good and Evil,
And somewhere between my childhood and now
We've crossed the line into Evil. 
The Center of America
Is now a wasteland 
Governed by a mafia. 
Were we ever good?
Was there any potential for greatness,
Or was it all a lie? 

How does one turn America
Into a place we can believe in once more? 

     I could be wrong, but I feel as if change is on the horizon. After today, nothing will ever be what it was ever again. 

    Every time I go to Zoo Lights, I'm struck by how boring it is. It is boring to an adult, one who's seen many better and more interesting things online. Yet, in a way, it's become a treasured experience because it's so boring. I know every animal they show, all the paths you can go down. It's something that's stayed real during and after the pandemic, unaltered by the flow of history. It's not beautiful, but I can't seem to let it go. I don't always go, but some years I know that if we don't make it in time, I'll be bitterly disappointed. 

Old Sayings

 They say that the more things change
The more they stay the same.
Sometimes I wonder
If the reverse is also true. 
Words that mean anything,
Taken as gospel,
But in the end only matter in context.

There are things said so often
That we take them as truth;
The grass is always greener,
The sun will always come out,
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Woven into our culture
Sayings are pervasive,
Yet we don't even know if they're true until it's too late. 

     I got my test results back yesterday, and I don't have celiac disease. Yet, anyways. 

Hope

 Sometimes hope 
Is a phone in a bag of rice,
Waiting to be turned on.
Sometimes hope
Is a box of cookies
Waiting to be eaten.
Sometimes hope
Is nothing more than a promise that
Good or bad
Life will go on. 

     This is pretty much a placeholder because I just got tested for celiac disease, and as of the time of writing I don't have the results back. I don't know if I'll get them by today or tomorrow, but I'll update as soon as I can. 

The Primordial Scream

 Everything is getting smaller.
Every day that passes
The size of the space 
That I'm allowed to occupy 
Is less and less. 
I can't take it anymore. 
I need to scream.
I need to let my voice be heard
Across the Universe.
I need to invoke the scream 
Of the ancients
When they realized the Gods
Could not see them. 

     Am I wrong for wishing that more people knew about Infinitelism? I don't want to start a cult, and I don't want this to be just another money making self help scheme. I want this to be something that does genuine good for the world. Unfortunately, no one's done any studies about how to run an ethical religion. You're just supposed to magically know what not to do. 

     I've already said that I'm not going to vote, and I stand by that, but the state of America pre-election still has me deeply concerned. The Democrats, and the press, are repeating the same mistakes that got Trump elected in 2016, despite the fact that everyone agrees that he shouldn't be allowed to get a second term. Maybe this just feels obvious to me, since I'm an Infinitelist, but if you can't stop yourself from doing things that reveal just how much the country is a figment of our collective imagination, than you shouldn't be in charge at all. 

Live and Let live

 "Don't worry about life changing
Or things getting worse,
Just live and let live!"
That's what the voices
In the Infinite keep telling me,
How do I tell them
That I'm not going to do that?
 I'm not going to live
In a world where I'm not heard.

    I think that for my first novel, I'm going to make it a sort of fantasy story that has a lot of real world medical conditions. If fantasy can have a twelve month calendar, it can have disability in it as well. 

Obscurity

 For as long as I've been alive,
People have chosen to hide me
From their mind's eye,
Dare I choose the path
That will force them to see me
As I actually am? 

      As of yesterday, it's been one year since Hamas attacked Israel and Netanyahu cemented himself as the most demented asshole on the planet. It takes moxie to take what should be a big show of your enemies immorality and instead use it as a demonstration of how right they were to hate your ass. I wouldn't be stunned if the reason our government hasn't turned its back on Israel is because they know that if they do, Israel isn't likely to survive. A reasonable position, if one chooses to forget that they could have told Israel to stop much sooner and then this wouldn't have happened. 

The Sea of Stars

 There's nothing like it.
Standing on a pillar of stillness
In an endless sea of starlight. 
No color,
No gradient,
Nothing but black and white.
All human sensation suspended
To sense the power of the unknown.
This is the place where our souls live.

I can still remember the first time I saw this place.
I was young,
A child,
Old enough to have opinions and some independence,
Not quite old enough to be on my own. 
I was alone,
But I wasn't afraid.
For the first time in my life
I felt like me world made sense. 

I'm not alone anymore.
All around me I see children,
The same age I was when I first saw this place.
I felt like I knew everything, 
But they don't look much older than toddlers to me.
Ah well,
They'll grow up,
Stronger, smarter, and nicer
Then I. 
But I know for a fact they'll never lose the sense of awe 
That comes when you see this place. 
I know this
Because even now
I look at the sea of stars
And I feel as though I see everything that is,
Was,
And will be. 

     If I win the lottery, I'm going to buy a house purely for the purposes of filling it up with the ugliest furniture I can find. I've lived my entire life in a house built in part to impress people, so I want to get away from that, and I've also found that I really like things most people think aren't attractive. God I wish that I could start now. 

    I'm a firm believer in morality, and I have a very strong belief in right and wrong. It's just a belief, though. I'm not sure the Universe distinguishes, and I sometimes feel like we only got as far as we did because someone made what should have been a mistake. 

Homemade

 If you're amazing
You can make something better
Than any store in the world.
But for most of us
It's enough of a win
To not set the oven on fire. 

   It's fall. Before too much longer, it'll be Halloween. Amazing how quickly the year flies by.

More of the Same

 I look at our leaders
And feel nothing but loathing.
How much longer must I put up
With more of the same? 

    I can't help but think about how the web's become disconnected from itself in light of the loss of Twitter. Sure, some people are still there, but unless you're deep in the world of fascism there's no good reason to stay there. I feel like there are many essays that could be written about how Elon Musk is erasing all identity other than himself, and how social media in general has from the beginning been a vehicle in erasing already marginalized groups. I also feel like most people are at least somewhat aware of this. Strange how evil always feels familiar while marginalized groups, who are there all the time, often seem strange and unnatural. Maybe one day we'll know so much about one another that we won't feel strange, and we won't feel like we can't talk to one another without someone getting hurt.