I don't really have anything to talk about today. Actually I do, I'm just really scared to talk about it. I'm an intensely private person, I don't even really talk about my likes and interests to family members. The only person who I talk to about myself is my therapist, which I'm sure he thoroughly enjoys. I have a lot I think about, and a lot of opinions. I wouldn't really consider myself an expert on anything, but I've read a lot, watched a lot, and thought a lot, and I'd like to think that my voice counts for something. I might just be pretending that's true, like I pretend that I'm secretly the one controlling the world with my imagination, and everything that ever happens is my own secret will. But fantasy is all I have, and the only power I have on anyone who isn't me.
I'd like to think we all have a place in this world, a place that we choose and make for ourselves. I want my place to be one where when I talk, people listen to me, but not because I'm an amazing leader. It's because what I say is true enough to make sense to them, and because I'm telling them things they always knew, but didn't quite have the words to articulate. I want to be a person who can tell other people what the problems they face actually are, and give them ideas on how to fix them. In my own way, I want to remake the world. I want to show people that things aren't set in stone, we can change them and maybe make it so that things are a little better. Maybe someday I'll move mountains without having to lift a finger, simply by showing people a way of doing it they never thought of.
For now, I'm just some loser living in her mother's home with no job. I have thoughts and feelings, nothing more. I write a lot, but it's nothing if no one sees it before it's too late. That's part of why I'm writing this blog post, even though it doesn't say anything. I'm practicing, so that someday I can say something that's just a little smart.
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