A Writer Looking to Change the World

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Friday, May 31, 2024

Obsolescence

 Our world is full of obsolescence,
Tech past its prime
In a world filled with change.
Our world is full of things
We were supposed to forget,
Things that aren't supposed to matter 
To us anymore.
Things that are better than what's new and shiny,
Coming from a time 
When making money was easy,
Things that were made
Before our leaders chose for us
Whether or not the past should matter.
Our world is full of obsolescence,
Things broken deliberately 
By people forcing us to move on.
Our world is full of things 
We can't use anymore,
And all of us now hope 
To be obsolete
Before the world decides
That we're no better
Than the past it wants to leave behind. 

Thursday, May 30, 2024

End of May Reflections

     It's almost the end of May. As far as month's go, it's been relatively pleasant. You know, aside from the whole "Ongoing Genocide in Gaza" issue. The fact that Israel is now explicitly killing people for no reason and it still isn't enough for American politicians to consider pulling support for Israel is a damning indictment of our political system, but we'll just have to wait until November to see how that plays out. Got to give them credit though, people were wanting a world where Democrats and Republicans were equally worthy political candidates and they just gave it to us. Now we just need to admit that to ourselves so we can demand that they stop being genocidal maniacs and start being politicians again. Or just skip straight to the part where we order the guillotines. 

    Being an Infinitelist, I have strong opinions on how our world should work going forward, but one thing I think all of us can get behind is that we need to commit to our world's existence in order for our world to have any sort of future. We need to admit that our world just isn't working anymore, for anyone, and things need to change. We need to accept that the future we dream about, the kind of future so perfect it'll last forever without our help, doesn't exist. We can't even pretend that it did exist at one point. There are a lot of things we need to do, but I think the only way to start is admitting that our future depends on us being willing to stop participating in this society so we can focus on building the next one. 

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Stickers

 Decorations on anything
That you want to make yours.
Mass produced,
Yet personalized.
Bits of the world you share with others,
Both those who see you
And those who own copies
Of the pictures you chose
To represent you. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

   I don't know how common this is, but where I live I get the distinct impression that everyone outside wants you to do what you need to do as fast as possible so you can get out of their way. I do live in a city, but as I keep walking to create the illusion that I'm becoming healthy, I find myself wishing that I could slow down sometimes. 

Monday, May 27, 2024

Only an Heiress

 I'm only an heiress
To the largest fortune in the world.
I only have a mansion,
And so much money that when I hit the walls they bleed gold.
I only have enough time to throw one party a day,
And only most of the elite can come.

I am the queen of society's ballroom,
I'm proud to say that when I speak, 
The world listens.
Everyone says I have the grace of a swan
And the beauty of a rose,
I suppose that I ought to feel blessed.
Why, then, can I not reach the stars?
Why do I seek to own galaxies 
When I already own planets?

Why do I wish for more than I have?
The other day I lost a gemstone so rare it had belonged to a museum,
And I simply paid to have it replaced.
Yet I feel that if I could have more jewelry, nicer clothes, and better food,
I'd be so much happier than I am now.

Those who say that money can't buy happiness spout nonsense,
Nothing makes me feel better than buying new things.
It's not even for me most of the time,
When your house gives you money for nothing, you don't need to buy more.
My friends all love me for the things they give me, 
My enemies always demand more.

I do wonder if I wouldn't be happier as a pauper sometimes.
They have to make do with what they have after all,
And I'm told that many of the things that make life worth living
Started when people had to try and make things last.
People think that I have everything,
But I'm only an heiress
To the largest fortune in the world,
And I learned very quickly 
That money isn't enough 
To make you interesting or special. 

Sunday, May 26, 2024

    It's nice to see the world slowly come around to the idea that yes, we are enabling a genocide. Now we just need to strong arm Israel into stopping their heinous activities. 

Saturday, May 25, 2024

    I wish that Kroger hadn't mandated that all of their stores have gates across the front entrance of all the stores they own. I find it hard to believe they deter thieves, and I don't appreciate the store treating me like one. It also hasn't helped employee moral at all. Not that any of the other stores in my area are any better. If I didn't need to eat, I wouldn't go grocery shopping anymore. 

Friday, May 24, 2024

Perfect Finds

Every so often
I enter a second hand shop
Looking for the perfect find,
Not a thing that I can't live without
But a thing that will make life a bit better
Than it was before I found it.
They aren't rare,
I find them all the time
But I don't think something needs to be rare
To be special. 

Thursday, May 23, 2024

    I envy the people who can keep a house consistently clean. After spending most of my life in squalor because I refused to learn how to clean, I was suddenly inspired to at least prove that I could keep a house clean, and it takes so much effort. I know most people reading this will think, "Well, duh," but I'm not talking to successful adults who know what they're doing. I'm reminding myself and losers like me that there's a reason people who can hold down jobs and look after their loved ones ought to be respected and valued. What they do is much harder than the world makes it out to be. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Mobile Gaming

Horrifying.
Shocking.
That's what they want me to think
Judging by the ads they sell.
In reality they are boring,
Empty,
Meaningless.
So why can't I stop playing them? 

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

    I'm watching the Rebooted season of Futurama. Only seen one episode so far, but I think it's okay for what it is, which is mostly just a jab at modern trends. It's funny, but stupid, and while I know this is a show that insists on having no real stakes whatsoever, did we really need an ending that voids the main plot completely? 

Monday, May 20, 2024

The Madness of the Dreamer

 There's nothing within me.
All I see when I close my eyes
Are what look like stars,
But they don't twinkle.
They pulse,
With a strange, indescribable 
Energy.
I feel power surging within me
Yet nobody around me seems to notice.

All anyone seems to think is that I'm odd,
Strange,
Incomprehensible.

When asked I say it's a new world.
"I'm building a future,"
I say,
"I'm building a world where gods and 
Humanity live side by side.
It's a world of paradise,
And a world of sin.
It's a world that's real and safe."

How could I ever tell them 
That the only times I feel truly at peace
Are the moments I leave reality behind? 
Those moments when I'm in space 
Without a space suit,
Suspended in a vacuum,
Surrounded only by dark matter and starlight.

I look around,
And everywhere I look I see things
That remind me 
Of the madness within.
I wish I could ask
If they see what I see,
If they live their lives 
In a world all their own.
But I can't.
How could I?
No human has ever done anything
That would cause others 
To think they're insane. 


Sunday, May 19, 2024

    I find the older I get, the more I appreciate the moments when it feels like life's going alright. I know these moments don't last long, nor are they that common, and so I value them more than I should. Like everyone else, I wish the world felt real and happy all the time. Maybe it will one day, but until then I'll keep looking for the things that make me happy, like finding something I like at a thrift store. 

Saturday, May 18, 2024

     One of my strongest hopes for the future is that we teach kids how to build their own Dreamworlds in school the way we now teach them how to write essays and solve math problems. I don't think you need to be an Infinitelist to see that people need something to believe in, and our current religions aren't cutting it anymore. I also think that the time of great prophets organizing grand religions is past. We don't believe in the kind of Gods who grant destinies to people anymore. What we need is a dream just real enough for everyone to believe in it, and in order to get there we first need to churn through a bunch of dreams that almost no one believes in. 

Friday, May 17, 2024

The High Seas

I travel the high seas
In search of relaxation,
A destination far
From where I am now.
I travel the high seas
Looking for a place
Where I'm alone
And free of distraction. 

Thursday, May 16, 2024

    I know that influence always goes both ways, but sometimes when I'm reading things online, or watching videos of someone, I wish that weren't the case. There are a lot of really, really stupid people online. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Numbers

Every day I watch
As the number climbs higher,
A dopamine hit
That I feel never ends.
Every day I watch
As the number climbs higher,
Waiting for it to crash down
With me at the bottom. 


Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Gut Reaction: A Rant

     Quick summary before we start, because I'm willing to bet not a lot of people have read this book yet. Gut Reaction, by Kirby Larson and Quinn Wyatt, is a story about a thirteen-year-old who has just moved to a new school and is trying to balance making friends with schoolwork and her passion for baking. The book focuses on her working to win a baking competition with the help of her new friends. But there's a catch, one that's supposed to be a shock but if you know about this novel at all, odds are you already know what it is because it's in all the marketing material; she has Crohn's, and has yet to figure out how to manage her condition. After being diagnosed, she becomes determined to prove that her disease does not hold her back and (spoilers) gets all the way to the finals of the baking competition she joined. 

      Overall, this book is just boring. A lot of the reviews for this book say that this book is better if you're familiar with baking, but what they mean by that is that unless you're looking for a book specifically about either bakers or kids with Crohn's, this book isn't for you. Which, frankly is my biggest problem with the book; there just isn't anything interesting in it. Every problem has a simple solution, all of the people are nice (including the main character's step-father), and despite this being a story about how Crohn's doesn't have to stop you from living a normal life her disease is easily her biggest opponent in the novel, which I feel undercuts the message a tad. Honestly, I could forgive all of that. Were it not for the Language Art's teacher. 

    I'm willing to bet that a lot of you had a Language Arts teacher who was tragically awful at their job. I had one, and I only went to middle school for three months before my mother pulled me out and homeschooled me. That's what this woman is; she wears schlocky jewelry, only teaches from classic novels, and doesn't let her students use the bathroom during class. If you're like me, you expected that to come up again, especially since the main character worries about this specifically and a huge plot point is that she can't get anything above a C-minus in her Language Arts class. If you're like me, and waiting eagerly for them to but heads over this, you're going to be gravely disappointed because once the main character gets diagnosed, her Language Arts teacher never gets brought up again. At all. The class does, and we get a brief scene with one of the girls who also butted heads with the teacher, and we see the essay the main character wrote that finally got an A+, but that's it. No dramatic moment when the main character rushes to the bathroom and the two get in a screaming match, no discussion between the main character or the main character's mother about why she has to be allowed to use the bathroom during class, no moment where the teacher tells the main character that she got a note from her mother about needing to be allowed to use the bathroom in class if she asks. 

      I've mentioned this before, but for those who are new, I'm Autistic, and one of my issues is that my handwriting is illegible unless I write really slowly. So once computers were cheap enough, I used one for my classwork and from the time I entered High School, and a class where I had to take notes, I've always used a laptop in class. As such, I'm familiar with both needing accommodations and the fear of a teacher telling you that you aren't allowed to have them for bullshit reasons. As such, I was waiting to see how this book would tackle the topic of suddenly needing an exemption from your teachers ironclad rules. Lack of accommodations is part of the reason I got pulled out of middle school, and I have had to tell teachers they couldn't force me to not use my laptop even as far in as college. But the thing is, most teachers were just fine with letting me use a laptop, and the one time one of them wasn't, it got resolved the next day. So a book like this, without a lot of conflict and people who are genuinely understanding of someone's illness, is the perfect place to help kids who are sick/disabled see that there's nothing wrong with telling your teacher that you need something the other students don't have. Especially since the Language Art's teacher was a bit of a bitch, so the main character would have every reason to worry about being denied. As someone who to this day worries about entering new places because she's afraid of how people will react to finding out she needs extra help, this feels like an important message to give not only disabled kids, but everyone; don't worry about people judging you for needing help, worry about what happens if you don't get it.

     Yeah, I'm annoyed that a book didn't give me one scene I can imagine happened offscreen, but when you set up that a teacher doesn't allow bathroom breaks in her first appearance, I expect that to pay off at some point before the novel concludes. Especially when you only need to mention it happening for it to pay off. Doubly so when your book has no purpose for existing other than as a gift for people who know kids who were just diagnosed with Crohn's. No lie, if this had paid off the way that I wanted it to, I feel like this book could have been just a little bit meaningful. The kind of meaning not a lot of kids get. Instead, it was just left by the wayside, and I get that it was probably between this one scene and paying off the baking competition, but I'm still disappointed. Mostly because I made the mistake of reading this book as someone who had no interest in baking and, as far as I know, doesn't have Crohn's. 

     On the whole, this book isn't bad, this is just one thing that bugs me specifically. I'm not even going to pretend that fixing this one problem would have fixed it, because I think this book isn't very well written. It's okay. Does the bare minimum, has a gimmick, that's it. So yeah, the reviewers were mostly right; if you're a middle schooler with Crohn's and a passion for baking, this book is for you. Otherwise, don't bother.

Monday, May 13, 2024

I Want to be Seen

 Trapped in Darkness,
Blinded by light,
Surrounded by those
Who don't know my name. 
They don't see me,
Don't even acknowledge me,
Yet I'm supposed to believe
That they'll mock me and sneer.

I've walked all my life
Invisible and unnoticed,
Ignored by those 
Who have better things to do.
I can scream and yell,
But that won't change much.
I know that,
But why do I rage inside?

Why do I feel like a toddler
Deprived of a delicious snack?
Why do I feel like a diva
Stripped of her time in the sun?
Why do I feel like the world
Only wants me because I'm a worker,
Not a thinker,
Not a doer?

I was raised to believe
That I could be special and interesting.
Even as an adult
Part of me still believes that.
I still believe that one day,
In a far distant future,
Everyone will know 
Who I truly was, once upon a time.

I want to be seen.
Is that so much to ask?
Is it too much to want someone
Who knows who you are?
Everyone around me
Has someone who loves them,
Someone who knows
When they're angry or sad.
Everyone I see
Has a dream they've fulfilled,
A life that gave them 
Everything they could have wanted.

Trapped in darkness,
I hear the voices of the lost.
The voices of those 
Who are invisible, like me.
Why doesn't the world want to see us? 

Sunday, May 12, 2024

    Summer's come to western Washington. Summer's also going to be going away for a bit, but it'll at least be warm enough to wear sandals. 

Saturday, May 11, 2024

     I've been using Blogger for the past two years, and while I won't claim that it's perfect, it does what I need it to do. But now, for the first time, I've found myself with something I want that Blogger isn't giving me; private blog posts. You can set your entire blog to private, but you can't make individual blog posts private. That makes no sense to me. I can't be the only person who wants to keep part of their life private from the general public but still wants to post it just to have it there. Facebook understands that sometimes you just want to post something you don't want people to see. Hell, other blogging platforms let you make private posts that just your fans can see. So does YouTube, which Google also owns. Google, if you see this, make it so that you can make certain posts private on Blogger without making your entire blog private. You can't tell me that it's impossible, and it would make life better for those of us dumb enough to use this particular blogging platform. 

Friday, May 10, 2024

Replication

 I'm a replication
Of everyone I've ever met,
Pieces of myself overlapping
And melding with everyone else.
I move.
I change.
I evolve.
I can't help but feel that someday the stars will align
And someone will replace me. 

Thursday, May 9, 2024

    Whenever I play freemium mobile games, I find the most satisfaction I get is trying to avoid paying for things. Which seems counterintuitive to the purposes. I may be alone in thinking this, but then I'm also alone in enjoying math games aimed at kids. As a person who gains grim satisfaction from these games, I'm also the one most strongly against their existence. Games should be fun, not a grindy chore you only enjoy when you're pretending to stick it to the man. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

An Empty House

 I try and clear out
My memories of the past,
Leaving a house empty
Of pain and sadness.
But I can't help but feel
That something is missing,
Something I used to have
When my house was a home. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

    I'm dreaming of the future. It's a dark and scary place. 

Monday, May 6, 2024

Who Stole the World From Me

 I know you.
I see you.
You're the one
Who stole the world from me.
You're the one we worship
As though you were a god.
As our lives stretch to fill our days
We praise you for nothing,
For you have done nothing worth praising.

You're the one who said we needed to be worthy,
To do more for our living than just eat and sleep.
Every day we see the bees buzzing outside
And the flies who make their way indoors.

You tell us that, because the bee makes honey,
It's worth more than the fly.
Yet if a bee makes its way into your house,
It becomes lost, disoriented, not knowing what's safe
And what's poison. 
The fly, meanwhile, knows what to do,
It never becomes lost or hungry,
For its lived by our side for years.
The fly need not work for its keep,
So it does not fear starvation.
It knows how to live without you.

Do you tell us to be bees so that we won't fly away?

I'm staring outside my window,
Wishing that I could live among flowers and trees
Instead of concrete and steel.
I'm wishing that I could be a bee,
One with a place in the hive.
But I can't.
Because I can't master the skills you feel are worthy.
I cannot produce,
I can only consume,
And for that I'm doomed to be squished.

Why did you decide that my skills are not worthy?
Is it because I only think,
Never act?
Or is it simply that I never say what you want to hear?
If I'm truly worthy of more,
Than why is the path ahead
Littered with thorns and brambles?

It's easy to write me off,
For I am not,
And will never be worthy.
But why is it that the ones who are worthy,
The ones work tirelessly producing the honey that makes life sweet,
Are now dying like flies for your cause.
Every day I see them suffering,
And I know that I am lucky,
For I was never given a place in your hive.

I know who you are,
Liar, cheater, and thief.
You're the one who stole the world from me,
The one who will never produce the goods that you crave,
And from everyone else who did. 

Sunday, May 5, 2024

     I'm sitting here, thinking to myself, that the only reason I'm on the left is that I'm fighting for a world that doesn't care that I'm Autistic. I'm fighting for a future where if I need something, I can just take it without having to prove that I've earned it or can't live without it. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just giving people what they need. You have to prove that such a world is possible first. 

Saturday, May 4, 2024

     I've been going on daily walks for a while, but not long enough to feel any meaningful health benefits. Mostly I'm just worried people will wonder what I'm doing wandering around town. I suspect they're too busy driving to care. 

Friday, May 3, 2024

A Period of Peace

I don't care if the world
Is the most interesting
It's ever been,
I've earned a period of peace,
And I shall have it
Whether the world wants me to
Or not. 

Thursday, May 2, 2024

     I'm worried about our world. It's leagues better than being in the depths of despair, since at least if you're worried that means you still think there's something you can do to fix it, but it still sucks. If you worry about something going wrong and then that specific thing goes wrong, that means you believe it's your fault. If you'd just been a bit more careful, nothing bad would have happened. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

Words of a Villain

 Who cares if my words lack consistency
And my actions lack any sense,
I'm a villain, and to claim otherwise
Shows one to truly be dense.