I ran out of mini-poems a while ago, and have just been writing them as need be. In light of yesterday, I think that I want to pivot, at least for a little bit. Everyone has that one thing about the world they wish they could change, and mine is that I want us to find something that we can believe in. Something that works with science, society, and what we now know about our world. Something that will protect us from nihilism and our inherent fear of death. I have Infinitelism, which works for me because I created it around myself and my issues. I think we need something a bit different for the rest of humanity. Something a bit more optimistic. 

Election Ramblings

    Well, it's election day. For what it's worth, if you're going to vote, vote for Kamala Harris. I've already cast my ballot, and it bears a not insubstantial resemblance to my standardized test papers back when I was in school. There's probably a whole essay on how most students have felt more stress around test days than adults do on national elections, but I'm pretty sure most of us know what it would consist of. Looking back, I'm a little stunned at how black and white our school system is. We're at a point where there is no right answer, only a "best" answer that is very much open to interpretation. Did no one stop and think that maybe a system built on filling in the right bubbles was very much not the way to teach people to appreciate just how hard it is to make choices in the real world? I don't think there was a way to prepare us for this, because if there had been a way to stop this, we'd have done it by now. But like every single person in the United States at this moment, I think that we could have done better. 

      I could stop there, but I feel like I have more to stay. First off, on a gut level I don't feel like this choice matters nearly as much as people say it does. One person will upend the status quo, one will maintain it. That's the fact we're focusing on. What most people have been ignoring is that the status quo sucks ass, and the only platform the Dems have to run on is the belief that not having the status quo will be worse. That was true in 2020, it's a lot less true now, and I think it's reasonable to say that even if Harris wins today, it'll stop being true before 2028. Who are we going to vote for when that happens? I can't read everyone's mind, but I think I speak for most of us when I say that when we go to the polls, we vote not for politicians but for some nebulously defined sense of morality that was instilled in us during our child and teen years. That morality has increasingly come into tension with the reality we live in. First it stopped being okay to vote for Republicans, then for the center, now it's almost wrong to vote at all. There's the barest sliver of justification to believe in our system, and I think it's a lot smaller than people make it out to be. What with our need to avoid seeing the nature of reality. 

      Beneath all of this talk about who you should vote for and why, there's this weird conflict I keep seeing but can't fully articulate, even to myself. If I had to describe it, I'd say it's a conflict over what, if anything, the fascists are right about. There's this agreement that overall, they're evil and bad, but I feel like a lot of people, especially white people, have something they agree with the fascists on. In my case, I can't help but feel like the government should be the one fixing things, not us. I know that most fascists argue in favor of states rights, but if they actually believed that than they wouldn't have voted for Trump. No matter how many times I'm proven wrong, I keep thinking that those in power should be able to do the things we need them to do without us either forcing them to do it or just doing it ourselves. But not only will they not do the things we need them to do, they punish us for trying to do more in their stead. I know that Infinitelism isn't mainstream, but I think that everyone has to know that if people see that their government is failing them, they won't believe in it anymore, and even George Lucas was smart enough to know that Democracy only works if people believe that it will work. People keep proposing solutions to our problems, but I don't think there's any solution for stupidity at the top level, especially when there's no one on the ballot exempt from this. I know that real solutions are difficult, but I don't think it should be this hard to convince our leaders that we need them more than they need to win the election. Except that if they don't win, then worse people will win. In short, we're doomed, and nothing will meaningfully change so we may as well just give up. 

     I'm going to speak as an Infinitelist and say that now is the time for us to get pissed. Not only are we never going to convince our leaders that things are dire, we aren't allowed to convince ourselves of this anymore, because looking at how bad things have gotten would mean admitting there's no reason to believe we can fix them anymore. I have no idea who, ultimately, is at fault for this, but no matter who it was that got us here, it's now up to us to get the hell out. It's now up to us to admit that we need a new reality, one where we can depend on things staying real and where keeping the laws of physics from collapsing doesn't require openly manifesting. Things are going to get bad, because the only path forward is for all of us to pick the thing that we believe in the most and then chase that thing without looking at anyone or anything else. Match the fascists with our own brand of insanity, one devoted to proving the worth of people who don't fit into the mainstream. Our work won't end until even those who live comfortably are fighting with all they have for the things that they believe in. Until the day everyone knows about Infinitelism and the direction upon which our future lies, I will not rest. I expect all of you to advocate for your own beliefs with equal fervor. 

Survival of the Fittest

 "Every man for himself."

That's what they'll say
When they look back on this moment.
No certainty or belief,
Only a sense of desperation.
"Every man for himself",
An archaic term
From a time long gone,
Words that deny the validity 
Of half of the human race. 
What better words could be said
Of a moment 
Such as this? 

Right and wrong,
Good and bad,
There has to be an answer
That won't kill us in our sleep.
There have to be words
That won't bring forth nature
In the worst form it takes.
No love,
No community,
Only survival of the fittest,
The ones who were chosen,

They will say,
To carry on the human race.

"Every man for himself."
That's how the fascists talk
When they get on their platforms
Of cruelty and greed.
"Every man should help himself
To the spoils of war."
No thought for the needy,
No love for the destitute, 
Only a desire
For destruction
And chaos.

They sound so certain.
They speak as though 
They know something we don't.
Is it any wonder
That we've turned out to be
Just like them?

"Every man for himself.
Let our world be turned over
To the will of nature
And the needs of the many over the few."

The few will rule over us.
It is they who will decide
Who lives and who dies. 
Nobody but them thinks
That they should be in charge.
Nobody thinks this is fair. 

"Every man for himself."
They say,
"Except us.
Don't abandon us
In our hour of need. 
Without you,
We'd die.
We need you.
Please don't leave us
To suffer our fate.
Please don't let the chaos
Of the Infinite
Devour us whole." 

    You know what I want out of this election? I want a world of people who are committed to making sure that next time, people aren't on the verge of tears because they're doing the right thing. No one should be breaking down because they're doing their democratic duty, and no one should feel like they should abstain because both options feel awful. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm fighting for a world where people can vote for either candidate, without looking like a disgrace or feeling like total crap. 

     I don't remember the exact moment I became something I might call an Infinitelist. I think that it was some time around mid-2014 when I started building this philosophy, and it solidified in about 2018. I'm looking at our world through the eyes of an Infinitelist, and all I see is a world with no boundaries where basically anything goes. Instead of rule of law, the Fascists gave us anarchy. People ask for unity out loud, but what they want is to know that they are saying and doing the thing that keeps the world real. They want certainty, objectivity, and to know that the truth won't change from today to tomorrow. They want a world that they believe in. I'm extremely biased, but I can't help but think that it'll take more than politics to lead us out of this mess. What we need is a new and different religion. 

The Souls of Our World

 I pray to the souls
Of the past, present, and future;
Please let our world last
One more day. 
Please come to us
In our hour of need,
And guide us to where we should go. 

    When I think of this next election all I can think is, "We shouldn't vote Trump," That goes without saying. But I look at the people telling me to overlook the genocide in Gaza, because Trump would be orders of magnitude worse, and I can't help but think, "That may be true, but if our society is so broken that our government can't stop a genocide in a country that relies on us for money, do we have a chance?" I feel like we're in denial of just how bad the situation has gotten, and I don't like that nobody seems to have noticed this yet. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could vote for Kamala Harris. It would make things so much better if on November sixth I could look back and say, "Well at least I tried." But we're at a point where the world could end and I could die if I don't vote for her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that feels a little fascist to me. 

Good Vs. Evil

 Am I wrong in thinking
That our narratives are overly simplistic
On purpose?

Am I wrong in thinking
That this isn't really a fight 
Between good and evil,
But a fight between reality
And the end of all we know?

Am I wrong in suspecting
That good will win only
Because we're terrified of death?

Am I wrong in thinking
That we'll wake up one morning
To find that this is all a lie? 

     I need to state this for the record; no matter who wins the next election, things won't be peaceful. I don't think the democrats have what it takes to keep the fascists from taking more ground, and I want to believe that if Trump was elected we'd push back. The truth is, the world as we know it will end on November fifth. Either we fight like hell to bring back the world we loved, or we watch it fade into the Infinite. There is no way that our government will save us now. 

The Vote

 What are we voting for?
Are we really sure that 
The forces who destroyed democracy will walk away quietly?
Or are we just pretending
That so long as we profess our belief
In democracy
Than the sun will rise tomorrow?

I'm one of millions who will abstain
Not because of politics
But for personal reasons.
Reasons such as being disillusioned with those
Who pretend that our flag 
Ever meant anything. 

I have my choice 
As to who I want in charge,
But my voice will never be heard. 
Will I regret my decision?
I truly don't know. 
What I do know
Is that it feels wrong not to make it. 

Vote if you can.
Abstain if you must.
Pray that our country 
Dies on its own terms. 
Pray that when it dies,
You'll be alive
And strong enough to see the future.